Well, today I talked to Bill, who just got back from Vegas...the first thing I wanted to ask him about was the voicemail he left me. It was roughly 130am my time, and when I woke up I saw that I had a message. It appears that Bill, one of my bruthas, decided that after having too much to drink (and if you knew Bill you would realize this, too, it a shocker) to do what's known as drunk dialing...basically calling anyone you want on your phone drunk...and hope in the morning, they arent pissed :) Well, I was laughing my butt off.. "hey man......it's ..... Bill .... how are ya man? .... you have NO idea....WOOOHOOOOOO....oh my god....hey man!! how you doin??.... WOOOOHOOO!!!! Ok Ok Ok ... I'm not done talking....hey man!! I gotta go"....click
It was obvious he was having a blast in Vegas, even if his Astros did lose the World Series. 42 years since the birth of the Astros, and they go down 4-0....sorry dude! Wish it went better.
McKenna has her Haloween celebration at pre-school tonight...and it was a blast! She went as Princess Belle from Beauty & The Beast. She looked so adorable. Hopefully will have pictures back in a couple days. She had so much fun going and making her trick or treat bag, and seeing all her teachers. Also going classroom to class room (like door to door) and trick-or-treating. Then there was the pinata. She did good -- swung the bat like David Justice...didnt break, but I thought one swing was very close. And, I won not only one door prize, but two - so I gave both of them to my mother-in-law. There were a set of halloween decorations. On the way home, Michelle was so proud of me for doing that. She said that a year ago, she didnt think I would do that....I felt really good inside. Thank you sweetie! :) That meant alot!
Well I hope everyone has a great evening! I am off to Sleepy-ville :)
Jas
Monday, October 31, 2005
Monday, October 24, 2005
Very personal thoughts - my most personal yet
Writing is selfish first.
This was a great statement, mainly because it is also so very true. While writing you write because of yourself, and what YOU feel, and what YOU think...It has taken me a long time to be comfortable with myself to be able to express what it is that I am feeling. Not that I am exactly where I want to be, but it is something I am still working on daily. It has been a struggle. There have been many bumps along the way.
As I sit here and watch another episode of Intervention, it made me think of my own problems. For those of you who have never seen this show (Sundays at 9pm CT), it is an excellent show. I find myself watching it almost every week. It is the reason for this post. It is about issues where we needed an intervention. My intervention came via my sister.
Ever since my sister and I found out that our parents were getting a divorce, we have been extremely tight. I think if I would have just listened to my sister, half of the time, I wouldnt have put myself into the situations I have put myself in. But then again, they have made me who I am today.
Timeline : Christmas 2004/New Years 2005
My family and I took a trip back home to Scranton for the Christmas Holiday and New Years Holiday. Needless to say, our marriage was shaky at best, even though in my mind at that time, I thought everything was fine (you know fine, one of the seve keywords that a woman will use when things are NOT fine -- I really need to find that email and post the other 6). I was so far from the truth, I couldnt even see it anymore. I get a call from my sister that she is having computer problems my sister tells me to come over and look at her computer, so I head over from my dad’s house (about a 5 minute drive) and when I get there, there is nothing wrong with her computer. She wanted to talk…..and talk she did. She spent the next 5½ hours talking – and we talked, and we cried, and cried some more…and basically, I was || this close to losing my marriage, unless I went and got some help. AND QUICK! So we started seeing a counselor (this was right after we got back from PA in January – also the same time I started on my weight loss journey). By this time, I had put on over 100 pounds since I moved toWisconsin
Yes, it had come to the point where I needed to seek outside help to help me with whatever was going on inside of my head. Of course, I have the internet (and worked at an insurace company for over 4 years, I could probably diagnose myself if I wanted to). But I chose (at that time) to agree within myself that everything was fine.
As I researched later, what I had was a classic case of clinical depression, which is defined as :
To seek a counselor, it doesnt make you a bad person or a wrong person for seeking help for a problem that you are having. It actually makes you a better person for it. We sometimes lose sight of the fact that we are not perfect. We sometimes need an outside person to make sense of it all. And that is what I got from my family and my own personal intervention, and from my counselor.
Michelle and I joke that if she wanted to get my full and undivided attention, all she would have to do is donn her ESPN shirt. Funny when we joke about it, but she was right.
I hope those that read this understand how hard it was/is for me to pour out everything I have here today. Its not been an easy journey. But I am a better person for it today. If someone reading this finds it in themselves to seek help, then I have made a difference. And arent we here on this great Earth to make a difference? :)
I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Jas
This was a great statement, mainly because it is also so very true. While writing you write because of yourself, and what YOU feel, and what YOU think...It has taken me a long time to be comfortable with myself to be able to express what it is that I am feeling. Not that I am exactly where I want to be, but it is something I am still working on daily. It has been a struggle. There have been many bumps along the way.
As I sit here and watch another episode of Intervention, it made me think of my own problems. For those of you who have never seen this show (Sundays at 9pm CT), it is an excellent show. I find myself watching it almost every week. It is the reason for this post. It is about issues where we needed an intervention. My intervention came via my sister.
Ever since my sister and I found out that our parents were getting a divorce, we have been extremely tight. I think if I would have just listened to my sister, half of the time, I wouldnt have put myself into the situations I have put myself in. But then again, they have made me who I am today.
Timeline : Christmas 2004/New Years 2005
My family and I took a trip back home to Scranton for the Christmas Holiday and New Years Holiday. Needless to say, our marriage was shaky at best, even though in my mind at that time, I thought everything was fine (you know fine, one of the seve keywords that a woman will use when things are NOT fine -- I really need to find that email and post the other 6). I was so far from the truth, I couldnt even see it anymore. I get a call from my sister that she is having computer problems my sister tells me to come over and look at her computer, so I head over from my dad’s house (about a 5 minute drive) and when I get there, there is nothing wrong with her computer. She wanted to talk…..and talk she did. She spent the next 5½ hours talking – and we talked, and we cried, and cried some more…and basically, I was || this close to losing my marriage, unless I went and got some help. AND QUICK! So we started seeing a counselor (this was right after we got back from PA in January – also the same time I started on my weight loss journey). By this time, I had put on over 100 pounds since I moved to
Yes, it had come to the point where I needed to seek outside help to help me with whatever was going on inside of my head. Of course, I have the internet (and worked at an insurace company for over 4 years, I could probably diagnose myself if I wanted to). But I chose (at that time) to agree within myself that everything was fine.
As I researched later, what I had was a classic case of clinical depression, which is defined as :
It is sufficient to have either of these symptoms in conjunction with four of a list of other symptoms. These include:
- Feelings of overwhelming sadness or fear, or seeming inability to feel emotion.
- Marked decrease of interest in pleasurable activities.
- Changing appetite and marked weight gain or weight loss.
- Disturbed sleep patterns, either insomnia or sleeping more than normal.
- Changes in activity levels, restless or moving significantly slower than normal.
- Fatigue, both mental and physical.
- Feelings of guilt, helplessness, anxiety, and/or fear.
- Lowered self-esteem.
- Decreased ability to concentrate or make decisions.
- Thinking about death or suicide.
To seek a counselor, it doesnt make you a bad person or a wrong person for seeking help for a problem that you are having. It actually makes you a better person for it. We sometimes lose sight of the fact that we are not perfect. We sometimes need an outside person to make sense of it all. And that is what I got from my family and my own personal intervention, and from my counselor.
Michelle and I joke that if she wanted to get my full and undivided attention, all she would have to do is donn her ESPN shirt. Funny when we joke about it, but she was right.
I hope those that read this understand how hard it was/is for me to pour out everything I have here today. Its not been an easy journey. But I am a better person for it today. If someone reading this finds it in themselves to seek help, then I have made a difference. And arent we here on this great Earth to make a difference? :)
I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Jas
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
My greatest fear
The other night, I got into an interesting conversation with my friend Melissa, and we have what's known as an open-book session - nothing is off limits, ask anything you want.....so she asked me what my greatest fear was, and this was my response:
Something short and sweet for now...hope all is well with you as you read this :o)
mine is death, but my own....how Michelle, McKenna, or baby-2-be ...what they would do, or how they would manage without me. THen I think of my closest friends: You, Rick, Bill, Jodi.....what will they do without me in their life...will they move on? Will they be sad? Will I be missed? Then my family --- how devistating will it be for them ..... I dont want to ever have to put them through that...then I think of my sister's 2 kids, on of whom I am a godparent for....and how I left them too....
Something short and sweet for now...hope all is well with you as you read this :o)
Friday, October 14, 2005
Anniversary
For those of you who are regular reads of this, today is my anniversary with the love of my life, and what a wonderful day it was! I had to work, but that was no big deal. Planned a totally new market (Laredo/S Texas/New Mexico), and got to leave a few minutes early :)
I took Michelle to TinSan's tonight for dinner (Japanese American restaurant in Green Bay). We had an excellent dinner. Then we came home to watch a movie. I left the choice for the movie to Michelle, and she chose The Notebook. For those who may have never seen it, I highly recommend this movie. By the end of the movie, I was reaching for the kleenex. It was such a touching and moving movie.
5 years today -- it's hard to imagine. It hasnt been the easiest 5 years, but I wouldnt trade easy for what we have today....this movie also goes to prove this point. You can have the easy way out, or you can fight for what you want, and still have the best life, with the one you love the most :o)
With a beautiful daughter, lovely wife, another chile on the way, great job, awesome house --- what more could I want? I have everything I need and then some, and those great friends (you know who you are) who make my life what it is.
I am off to spend quiet time with my wife :o) Have a great weekend!
I took Michelle to TinSan's tonight for dinner (Japanese American restaurant in Green Bay). We had an excellent dinner. Then we came home to watch a movie. I left the choice for the movie to Michelle, and she chose The Notebook. For those who may have never seen it, I highly recommend this movie. By the end of the movie, I was reaching for the kleenex. It was such a touching and moving movie.
5 years today -- it's hard to imagine. It hasnt been the easiest 5 years, but I wouldnt trade easy for what we have today....this movie also goes to prove this point. You can have the easy way out, or you can fight for what you want, and still have the best life, with the one you love the most :o)
With a beautiful daughter, lovely wife, another chile on the way, great job, awesome house --- what more could I want? I have everything I need and then some, and those great friends (you know who you are) who make my life what it is.
I am off to spend quiet time with my wife :o) Have a great weekend!
Monday, October 10, 2005
Sports -- The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
The Good
THE Houston Astros are in the NLDS! As I made my way home from my miserable day at work, I called Bill to see how the Astros were doing (roughly 3:20pm) -- at that point, Houston had just tied it up 6-6 (middle of the 10th I believe)....I told him to give me a call once it was final. I thought I had just missed his call....all the sudden at 6:15, here he is calling me --- 18 INNINGS LATER!! THEY WIN!!! Chris Burke with a walk-off homer in the bottom of the 18th inning!!!
The Yankees also won last night....3-2 over the Angels -- so series in tied 2-2.
The Red Sox are out.....sorry Dave!
The Padres are out .... Rick, you needed alot more than a hope and a prayer.
THE BAD
Well, I dont know what I was doing when I made my picks for this weeks NFL games, but in the early games, I only won 2, and lost 6!!! Let's just say it didnt get any better in the afternoon. I will write this week off to just being sick (or actually more like trying NOT to be sick).
I did actually get to watch most of the Indy/SF game, and some of the Philly/Dallas game, both of which I won, so that wasnt SO bad.....
THE UGLY
Boy am I glad I didnt go to the Saints/Packers game yesterday.....I had tickets, but chose to work instead.....and yes, one of the games I lost yesterday in the morning games was the Saints/Packers game -- I picked the Saints, and they lost 52-3!!!! Embarrassing to say the least.
And people wonder why I still like the Saints........sometimes it makes me wonder myself.
That's all I have for this edition....maybe I will write some more later.....make it a great day!
THE Houston Astros are in the NLDS! As I made my way home from my miserable day at work, I called Bill to see how the Astros were doing (roughly 3:20pm) -- at that point, Houston had just tied it up 6-6 (middle of the 10th I believe)....I told him to give me a call once it was final. I thought I had just missed his call....all the sudden at 6:15, here he is calling me --- 18 INNINGS LATER!! THEY WIN!!! Chris Burke with a walk-off homer in the bottom of the 18th inning!!!
The Yankees also won last night....3-2 over the Angels -- so series in tied 2-2.
The Red Sox are out.....sorry Dave!
The Padres are out .... Rick, you needed alot more than a hope and a prayer.
THE BAD
Well, I dont know what I was doing when I made my picks for this weeks NFL games, but in the early games, I only won 2, and lost 6!!! Let's just say it didnt get any better in the afternoon. I will write this week off to just being sick (or actually more like trying NOT to be sick).
I did actually get to watch most of the Indy/SF game, and some of the Philly/Dallas game, both of which I won, so that wasnt SO bad.....
THE UGLY
Boy am I glad I didnt go to the Saints/Packers game yesterday.....I had tickets, but chose to work instead.....and yes, one of the games I lost yesterday in the morning games was the Saints/Packers game -- I picked the Saints, and they lost 52-3!!!! Embarrassing to say the least.
And people wonder why I still like the Saints........sometimes it makes me wonder myself.
That's all I have for this edition....maybe I will write some more later.....make it a great day!
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Friendships and the life we sometimes lead -- Part II
I guess I am writing a reprieve for the first post.....and chalking up the last few weeks of non-communication to her (friend #1) dealing with alot of personal issues oh her own, which I can totally respect. I know she is dealing with alot right now, and the only thing I can do is be a friend for her, and be there if she wants and/or needs to talk.....she knows my number -- she knows she can call anytime anyday. Today we talked at work all day -- alot of it was venting about the day we were BOTH having -- a day I like to refer to as fan-crap-u-lous. It started off bad, and it got worse as the day went on -- I was never so glad to see 3 o'clock as I was today....we both walked out and looked at each other and pretty much was like "What the FRIG!" She said she was contemplating buying a punching bag, breaking it in, then taking a nap. :)
I am just glad everything is cool with her and I ... that to me makes it worth the effort I have been putting into our friendship.
In the same breathe though, I know that I cant keep over-extending myself to her...if I get the feeling I am putting everything in, then I might have to start pulling back. Melissa has already said that if you have to work that hard at a friendship, could you spend that energy somewhere else more positive?
I am getting my sore throat back (again!) so I am gonna stop here and pick up tomorrow. By then I will know what happened with the Angels/Yankees Game (I know Melissa is watching!) Good night for now :)
I am just glad everything is cool with her and I ... that to me makes it worth the effort I have been putting into our friendship.
In the same breathe though, I know that I cant keep over-extending myself to her...if I get the feeling I am putting everything in, then I might have to start pulling back. Melissa has already said that if you have to work that hard at a friendship, could you spend that energy somewhere else more positive?
I am getting my sore throat back (again!) so I am gonna stop here and pick up tomorrow. By then I will know what happened with the Angels/Yankees Game (I know Melissa is watching!) Good night for now :)
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Saturday night.......
Its a Saturday night, and I'm feeling alright! There are so many things, now that I am writing again, that I want to talk about, but none of them as much as music. One thing many people dont know about me, is that one of my favorite music types is actually bluegrass. (No, I didnt fall and hit my head)....Ricky Skaggs, Ralph Stanley, Alison Krause, Bill Monroe....some of my favorites, but I grew up listening to bluegrass music with my Dad. My Dad was a huge into bluegrass, so as kids, we would take trips to Tennessee, and about an hour into the trip, we would get a bluegrass station on the radio, and it seemed like we would keep that station for HOURS!!! There's just something spiritual about bluegrass music. If you ever want to listen to some, let me know
Then there is my all-time favorite artist -- Joe Satriani ... this man is an ABSOLUTE GENIUS!!! There is nobody I would rather listen to than Joe --- there is just something about his music that I love --- it puts me into a mood, takes my mind away from whatever I am thinking of, etc.....there is just nothing like it!
Dont get me wrong, I like other groups (Metallica, Stryper, Dokken), but nothing will ever compare to Joe....he is an absolute musical god! There is no better master of the guitar than Joe. He has taught the likes of Steve Vai, Eric Johnson, and Gary Hoey.
OK, off of music for a little while - time to talk some sports.....this weekend, the New Orleans Saints are visiting right here in Green Bay to play the Packers......and I PASSED ON TICKETS!!!! I gave up tickets to watch my Saints play so I could get some more overtime at work. I know, I am a fool...but it's not like I was going to have a good time anyway. I would have been spending money I dont have on something I could listen to at work, and MAKE money.....it was a pretty simple choice really. As much as I love the Saints, nothing comes in front of providing for my family. And there will be other Packer games down the road.
I am down 30 pounds since the first of the year....although this past week I put on 1½ back on (I ate like crap and didnt exercise)...but this week I hope I am doing well....at least I think I am -- although I havent worked out yet this week - maybe today....depends on how I feel after work.
Today is Nate's birthday (friend of mine from work) (HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATE!) but I didnt go to his party. As much as I would like to have, I know I would have indulged in the beverage, and that wouldnt have been pretty -- either on the item listed above, or for the fact I lived 20+ miles from the party! Plus, I got time to spend with the chitlin, so that is always fun...Michelle and I had some quality time together too....very cool indeed!
OK as much as I would love to write more, I think I am just gonna go to bed...goodnight all :)
Then there is my all-time favorite artist -- Joe Satriani ... this man is an ABSOLUTE GENIUS!!! There is nobody I would rather listen to than Joe --- there is just something about his music that I love --- it puts me into a mood, takes my mind away from whatever I am thinking of, etc.....there is just nothing like it!
Dont get me wrong, I like other groups (Metallica, Stryper, Dokken), but nothing will ever compare to Joe....he is an absolute musical god! There is no better master of the guitar than Joe. He has taught the likes of Steve Vai, Eric Johnson, and Gary Hoey.
OK, off of music for a little while - time to talk some sports.....this weekend, the New Orleans Saints are visiting right here in Green Bay to play the Packers......and I PASSED ON TICKETS!!!! I gave up tickets to watch my Saints play so I could get some more overtime at work. I know, I am a fool...but it's not like I was going to have a good time anyway. I would have been spending money I dont have on something I could listen to at work, and MAKE money.....it was a pretty simple choice really. As much as I love the Saints, nothing comes in front of providing for my family. And there will be other Packer games down the road.
I am down 30 pounds since the first of the year....although this past week I put on 1½ back on (I ate like crap and didnt exercise)...but this week I hope I am doing well....at least I think I am -- although I havent worked out yet this week - maybe today....depends on how I feel after work.
Today is Nate's birthday (friend of mine from work) (HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATE!) but I didnt go to his party. As much as I would like to have, I know I would have indulged in the beverage, and that wouldnt have been pretty -- either on the item listed above, or for the fact I lived 20+ miles from the party! Plus, I got time to spend with the chitlin, so that is always fun...Michelle and I had some quality time together too....very cool indeed!
OK as much as I would love to write more, I think I am just gonna go to bed...goodnight all :)
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