Page 1 of 365 (or however many I can get to) for 2016

It's hard to believe that I have not published anything on here in over 3 years.  Maybe that time I spent in Houston I could have been  writing.

Alas,  I am back in Green Bay.  I look forward to what 2016 has to offer me.  Many things going right for me.  Not 100% but many :)

I am doing a challenge called Capture Your 365 #CY365... I am really hoping to be able to complete it this year.  Here is today's photo...

Looking forward to a healthier me and spending more time with the kids.  They are happy to have me back to!

J-Dawg

Awareness of Emotions

Sometimes, people enter into your lives, and you arent sure (at that moment) why in particular THIS person is in your life, or why at THIS point of my life...I have friends that have come into my life, and there are a couple that over the years, I have become even very good friends with. One, I can tell we have each even confided in each other over time certain details of our lives that very few, if any one, else knows. A friend of mine told me about a blog that she followed, and that she asked me to read it. I dont ever remember going to someone's blog, and be overcome with emotion like I was, when I went to Sara's blog and read hers. Unfortunately, when I began to read her blog, it was the day that her family had taken her home to live the final days of her life, and I began to cry. Here was someone who was letting the world in, not only to her illness (read the ABOUT ME section about her disease), but then into her final days. (There was another note up tonight saying she was at her home resting peacefully). It really made me think. It made me think that all the bullshit I complain or bitch about, and even some of the stuff that I boast about, my life is really nothing compared to this person, who is dying way too young, and dying from a debilitating disease. Who am I to sit here and complain about stuff, when there are people in this world who are dying from a disease we have no cure for. This goes for Breast Cancer, Ovarian Cancer, Duchenne's Disease, and so much more. I have also realized that my outlet to deal with everything going on with my life, I have been ignoring like a red-headed step-child (not that there is anything wrong if you have a red-headed step-child -- its just a figure of speech!) :) LOL I will attempt to do more with this side of my life, as time allows.

Thanks for stopping by to read my life in words.... its time for Sleepy-ville.

J-Dawg

FINALLY!!!!! bin Laden is dead!!

God bless our military. (from here)

Remember 9/11 and the 2,977 innocent men, women, and children murdered by bin Laden’s jihadi henchmen.

Remember the 2000 USS Cole and the 17 sailors killed by bin Laden’s jihadi henchmen.

Remember the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, the six killed, and hundreds injured by bin Laden’s jihadi henchmen.

Remember the 1988 US Embassy Bombings in Africa, the 12 US diplomats, and hundreds of Kenyans slaughtered by bin Laden’s jihadi henchmen.

Remember the 1983 Beirut bombings and the 241 US servicemen murdered by bin Laden’s jihadi henchmen.

J-Dawg

Happy Easter

Its been quite a while (6 months) since I have sat down to write. Alot has gone on in my life. Sometimes you have to lighten the load on the plate. Even when I lightened my load, it seems like some days I cant get my wheels to turn fast enough. Some days I feel like I have ran a marathon, but never left the starting gate. God blesses me every day. He keeps me safe while I drive all over this country of ours. He provides me shelter, food, and a means to make my living.

So why is it that sometimes I doubt Him?

My friend Dawn once said "...when I feel like my life is out of center, I start looking at how much I am going to church. Its my center." For me, church is not something I am able to do regularly. My job takes me away from my house so I dont have the ability to attend a building for a church to worship, so I do it in my own way. I keep my bible with me in the truck while I am travelling around the country. I read it, and I also have a program on my Droid to send me a new verse daily from the bible.

My Easter will be spent with my kids, and I will be taking them to our traditional Easter dinner (a family restaurant that puts on a FABULOUS holiday meal). My God continue to Bless you all :)

J-Dawg

Life...and the hard lessons learned

This self-destructive train-wreck of a person has decided that I am no longer going to allow the character flaw that I have to be hurt anymore. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and unfortunately that comes with some consequences. Just like in my last post, you make choices, and you live with those choices. I wouldnt change the world for the choices I have made, but they come at a cost. That cost is the pain I feel tonight. A pain that I am not sure will go away any time soon.

Life, love, pain, tear - all 4 letter words. Agony, heart, broke, tears - all 5 letter words.

J-Dawg

Condendum of Situations

Do you ever become hard on yourself for decisions you consciously made? Sometimes, I find myself to be my toughest critic. I never regret decisions I made. We arent 18 and in high school anymore. I am 39 and an adult, making adult decisions. Some of these decisions are as a result of doing what makes me happy. Some of these decisions are because they just feel the right thing to do. Either way, they are MY decisions. You don't have to agree with them, but I do ask that you respect them. Sometimes when you make a decision, people can get hurt. Sometimes, people just dont understand, because they choose NOT to understand.

In life, we sometimes have to make decisions that don't necessarily "agree" with those not involved with the decision, mainly because they don't understand the entire situation, or are only seeing it from their own perspective, or as if it were their decision to make.

I dont want to divulge the entire situation, for some things are meant to be private. Just understanding what I am dealing with, or knowing that sometimes you have to make difficult decisions, is enough for me. Do I do the right thing, or do I do the right thing for me?

Its never easy, that's for sure. I never have a situation where you look at it and go "Well, duh! that's an easy one!" I seem to find myself looking at things and basically says "WTF have I got myself into this time." Whether its a work related issue, or in this case, a personal issue, sometimes life just lends itself to working itself out to the best decision. Which still leaves me with the question "Do I do what's right? or do I do what's right for me?" My buddy Rick told me today "you have to be happy. Whatever makes you happy, is what you should do. You will know when you have the decision you need make made."

He's right. We owe it to ourselves to be happy. Either way would make me happy. Which way would make me happiest is another question. In my mind I think I have the decision made, but at what cost? In my mind, I know which decision would make me happier.

J-Dawg

Inspiration from a Friend

Earlier today, as I was sitting here with my allergies, wishing I would have been able to go to the softball game I was invited to, I came across a passage:

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."
~ 1 Thessalonians 5:18 ~



Earlier in the day, I have become "down" for the lack of a better term, with the fact that I wasnt able to get out today due to my allergies. Then I had come across a video on my friend Melissa's FaceBook page. Its a video I have seen before, but each time I see it, it makes me think. It is the story of Nick Vujicic (yeah, I had to google it to figure out how to spell his last name!) and his "Life Without Limbs". Its an amazing story, and one which makes you realize how miniscule your problems are compared with the rest of the world.

Yeah, today was one of those days where I had to dig down deep to have the strength to get back up. Its not that I have some debilitating disease or anything like that. Sometimes I forget that the challenges put before us, strengthen us as a person. God will never give us something we cannot handle. Sometimes I just lose sight of that.

J-Dawg

A Quote I Just Heard

"No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible."
~George Chakiris

J-Dawg

Battle of the Peaks and Valleys

I think the first thing I thought of when I started to write this was "oh no - here we go again" like it is a recurring theme. I hate the fact that right now, inside I feel like a theme ride at an amusement park. The peaks and valleys of the emotional roller coaster I have been on for what seems like months is not coming to an end. My friend Dawn the other day said something to me that has stuck with me for the last couple of days ... "You cannot control the circumstances. You cannot control the things that happen around you or to you. You cannot control how others treat you or how they act or what they do or what decisions they make. These are all external variables over which we have no say. But you CAN choose how you react and how you let these things affect you. You can choose that part." I have tried to figure out how to react to something that has an emotional tie to it that when it doesnt go your way, brings you down. Maybe its the fact that I never dealt with my feelings before, that I never had a problem in the past. Maybe in the past, the problems were minor compared to now. Maybe my problems now arent as large as they appear to be.

Jan 1st 2010 -- this is a day that I want to remember a year from now and look back and say "I DID IT!" I want this year to be filled with the positives. I want this year to be the year that I can say I put everything into everything I am doing. I have a wonderful person in my life that makes me happy. I have kids that are so wonderful, and I love every moment I get to spend with them. I am blessed to have the love and support of my family. I am blessed to have the love and support of my close friends (you know who you are). I am blessed to have Jesus Christ back in my life where He should have been all along. I am thankful for all the riches I have in my life. There is no way I could be where I am without all of this being in my life.

FOCUSES for 2010

1. New Job - I am actively looking for new work. I want to put my 14 years in transportation and logistics to better use, or be able to put my IT degree to use more than it is being used right now
2. My weight - it continues to be an issue. With my current job, it is so difficult to lose weight, but I know i have to find a way to do it.
3. My kids - I want to have more time with them, and continue to nurture and grow them into the wonderful kids they are today. I just want to make sure they continue to grow in all the right ways.
4. My family and friends - to make sure that the positives I need in my life they also get to enjoy in their lives as well.

This is just a part of what I want to do this year. I hope that you all can enjoy this year with me and be positive not only for me, but also for yourself as well. I know I slip (damn BANANA PEELS!) from time to time, and will find a way to turn that slip into a positive. Here's to 2010 and all that is holds in store for us!

J-Dawg

Friday afternoon

It really sucks when you pour your heart and soul into something, only to find out it was all for naught. It doesnt matter if it is for a new job, a relationship, or whatever. It still hurts you where it counts the most - in your heart. I know I did everything I could and yet it still wasnt enough. I dont know what else I could do.

There are days where I wonder where I would be without my family. They support me no matter what is going on. They call me all the time to make sure I am OK. They call to find out where I am going and when I will be home next. They constantly keep tabs on me.

Why is it that I cant have just SOMETHING - JUST ONE THING - go my way. WHY is that so hard to understand? Why is that so much to ask?

There is a song by Switchfoot that really exemplifies how I am feeling tonight:

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

Like I said the other day in my Facebook status - why do I put all of my eggs in one basket? I guess it is because when I want something bad enough, its the only thing I concentrate on. Maybe when I am 83 I will finally learn. Why everyone I know seems to have life by the horns, living it every day, I sit on the sideline hoping coach will finally let me play. Like Rudy. They say life is what you make of it, how do you make a life when you have no life at all...

J-Dawg

Paying it Forward

Tuesday night found me sitting in Olney Illinois (at one of our dedicated offsite locations) without a load - no big deal, since I was able to get some paperwork done, and relax a little. Wednesday morning I grabbed the company car, and asked if there was a "Mom and Pop" diner in the area I could go grab breakfast from since I couldnt pick up my next load until after noon. I went down there and it was a really quaint diner. Very nice waitress, and you could tell right away, this was a mom and pop place with the older folks sitting around drinking coffee and talking.

About 20 minutes into breakfast I noticed a couple walk in, and they just had a look about them that said "down on their luck" not to be confused with "havent taken a bath". Soon after they sat down, the guy struck up a conversation with me about the hat I was wearing (my South Carolina Gamecocks hat) and asked if I was from SC. I told them my family lives down there and had just been down there to visit. I listened as they ordered a breakfast they could split. They BOTH looked like they could use a good meal! We talked off and on for another 10 minutes before I had to return with the car. As the waitress brought me my slip (still the old hand-written type!) I took my slip and met her at the register. I asked her if she had written up their order yet, and she had just placed it with the cook. I told her to go make them EACH that meal, and that I was going to pay for it for them. She asked why, and I asked her if she had ever seen the movie "Pay it Forward" and she had...so I told her that they were one of my three random acts of kindness to strangers. I then paid for their meals and mine, and asked her to write on their slip "Merry Christmas to you both. Your meals are on me. From the guy in the SC hat. Pay It Forward". The waitress I thought was going to cry. She said they come in about once a month when they can split a breakfast - its their treat to each other. He lost his job a few months ago and was doing odd jobs to get by.

GIVING -- it makes us all better people. I felt so good about what I had done - so I spent $10 on
breakfast - doesnt sound like much - but its how I felt after I did that that means the world to me. I am not rich, and I am not putting $100 bills in people pockets. It was a random act of kindness - a Pay It Forward act...I hope someday to get back to Olney!

J-Dawg

Thanksgiving Challenge - Part 9

is thankful for a sign I saw today:
"Life is brighter with the Son!"
HOW TRUE!
During a conversation today with a friend of mine, we were talking after work about an hour, and I was telling him about how I have had to refocus my spiritual life, and how that is translating into my every day. He made a very valid point - its not a refocus, its a recommitment. I have to be committed to a life with Him in your life, not just on the surface, but in ALL aspects of your life. I never thought about Him being a part of my job quests, or job directions before to be perfectly honest. So we talked about how we cant pick and choose where we allow Him into out daily lives. Tom was SO right. He said put it into his hands and he will make sure you are pointed in the right direction for whatever it is He has in store for you - put it into His capable hands and pray he leads you in the right way.

Tom was sooooooo very right! He also always says "Seek first to understand"...his best Tom-ism and one I am trying every day to make it a part of my everyday.

J-Dawg

PS I am also thankful for the change on XM for the Holiday Season - XM-23 has gone from LOVE SONGS to HOLLY -- Holiday songs 24 hours! HOW awesome is that!

News stories and the world we live in

As much as I love watching the news and reading the news, I still find myself sitting in awe of some of the stories I hear and read about. One such story (click here) was just this morning.

As I read this article, I became more and more disgusted with the thought processes that young people (especially young men boys) are making. I see all these boys trying to imitate a culture that has been born and bred of the excesses of rap culture. "You cant get what you want - just take it and deal with the consequences". Now dont get me wrong, I like rap music, and have for a very long time. But how many times do you go near an inner city area, and see a $1000 car jacked up on $4000 26" rims...wearing jeans with their back pockets around behind their knees ... thinking THUG is the way to get out of the ghetto.

THINKING is how you get out of your situation
EARNING is how you get out of your situation
LEARNING is how you get out of your situation

RESPECT is something that is totally lost with today's kids. I am raising my kids to have respect not only for their parents, but for others as well. They are being raised with manners, and a good head on their shoulders.

I cant stand it when I see all these boys (yes I keep calling them boys because to be a man, you gotta ACT like a man) running around showing us what underwear they have on, having their hat on sideways, talking ghetto to act cool, and thinking I am impressed with their ghetto-ness.

There is a guy who works at one of our terminals (Gary IN) who is a prime example of this. The guy is 33 years old, and walks around all day with his sunglasses on (INSIDE mind you), his knitted cap, jeans hanging around his thighs, and the only thing he will say is "SUP!"...a product of his environment - he has to act his part or someone might think he isnt cool.

OK back to the original intent of the story - these guys ORCHESTRATED a plan to go out, find a woman, and rape her -- they PLANNED it...how is it, that you have 5 people and not ONE of them says "Gee, rape is a felony, and its not morally right to do something like that"...has our society gotten to the point where the inhumane torture of another person is OK? I cannot even FATHOM in my own mind even THINKING about something like that, let alone have 5 people all think this is OK!!! It just boggles my mind. If these punks are found guilty of the 5 counts they all have against them, I would love to be the executioner on this one..I am still debating on what their punishment might be - there is one side of me that wants them each to experience what she experienced...and then there is the other side of me that wants them to endure a life of hard labor (like they do in the Louisiana Prison System according to Locked Up on MSNBC) and every penny they earn from now until they die goes to this woman...

But since I wont be the executioner on this one, I just have to sit by and watch the judicial system and hope and pray they bring justice on this one.

Agitated, aggrivated, and totally dismayed by society is how I feel this morning...and on that note, I get to go play in Chicago traffic - YAY!

J-Dawg

20 Questions - June 22, 2009

1. What is your favorite physical characteristic in the opposite sex?

I would say her smile. From there, how her eyes sparkle when she smiles. :)

2. What is the first TV show you remember watching as a child?

Romper Room – AND, it was filmed in Baltimore MD!

3. What is your favorite quotable line from a movie?

((knocking on the outside window))
HEY – DO YOU LIKE APPLES???
((guy who he scuffled with at bar see him thru window))
Yeah, I like apples
((Will takes Skylar’s number she wrote on a napkin and slams it on the window for him to see))
WELL I GOT HER NUMBER!!! How you like DEM APPLES??!!!!

~Good Will Hunting, 1997

4. What is your favorite kind of sandwich?

DAGWOOD!!!!

5. How old were you when you got your first kiss?

14, I can even tell you when and where (HI DEB!)

6. I don't understand:

Why people ASSUME in an accusatory tone, THEN ask questions!! We all know what the words ASSUME spells!

7. Your opinion about love at first sight:

It can happen, just not to me! :)

8. How does it make you feel when you hear people argue?

GET a room! I don’t need to hear your sh!t

9. Have you ever fallen for someone who turned out to be nothing like they seemed?

If I have to REALLY answer this question, I will just point you to my archives!

10. Do you mind sharing the food that is on your plate with someone?

Not at all :) Ask though, don’t just TAKE!

11. Somewhere, somebody is asking him- or herself whatever happened to you. Who is it?

I would hope it would be Jenny Arnold - its ashame we drifted apart and havent talked in almost 15 years...and I dont even know why

12. How did your car get that little scratch/dent?

I hit my work bench in my garage with it – not paying attention and scraped my fender extenders

13. Would you rather get up early or sleep in?

If the Lord would have wanted me to see a sunrise, he would have made it for noon!

14. Last person to leave you a comment?

My dad (via email since he doesn’t have a blogger acct). Thanks Dad :)

15. Who out of your friends has the next birthday coming up?

Jerrod at the end of the week

16. What is your favorite Disney movie?

If Pixar counts, then it has to be Madagascar

17. In what position do you sleep?

((so glad I read the ENTIRE question LOL)) on one of my sides

18. How long does it take you to get out of bed in the morning?

Anywhere from 5 minutes to half an hour

19. What do you have for a ring tone?

For the general public, I have The Soprano’s theme (although I can change it to any one of about 30 MP3s I have on my new phone!), for Rick I have Its Tricky, for the kids I have “I LIKE TO MOVE IT” from Madagascar, for Val I have Sarah McLachlan, and for my truck driver friends, I have the “Smokey and the Bandit” theme

20. What scent is the air freshener in your bathroom?

Does FEBREEZE count?

J-Dawg

Bottle of Wine

You are probably thinking why I would write about a bottle of wine, but it really isnt about that bottle (actually 3 by the end of the night) at all...it is what came about AFTER the wine.

I had to have a very difficult conversation (two actually) in which in the conversation came up the topic of SELF WORTH.

Unfortunately the subject of the conversations wasnt the other person - no, it was me. My divorce took alot out of me emotionally, physically, mentally, monetarily, etc.

So how did we get on the subject of self worth? Simple really...both people know me very well, in fact one of the two is the person I was seeing for almost a year after my divorce was finalized. Her and I have known each other for about 8 or 9 years, but we never met until 2007...we worked together in separate offices for the same company. When you talk to people day in and day out, you get to know alot about them, and you get the feeling of a connection with that person. When they tell you about their parents or their kids, you feel like you were there when they share what happened. When their spouse is injured you are concerned for their well being, as if it were a relative of your own. Maybe for the longest time, I have put the value of who I am as a person in the wrong places. Tonight, I am still not clear on what self worth means to me. Does it mean that I make someone happy? Does it mean I help someone out? What does it all mean?

For the longest time, I tried to live up to expectations that I had in my head. I thought for the longest time that I was letting my father down. I still havently completely gotten over this one, because there are days when I feel I have let him down. Being a father myself, you hope that your kids do better than you did. How do you look your own father in the face and say "Dad, I'm sorry for what I have become" You always want better for your kids, and all I can hope and pray for is that my kids, are better than me. I am not happy with where I am in my life. I know some of it was out of my control, but I also know, that some of it was. How do you think it feels to have to tell your own dad that you have been let go from your job (all be it, economic cutbacks but still)? How do you think it feels knowing that this might be the best it ever gets?

I spent how much money getting an IT degree, only to STILL not be doing anything with it. I have had to go back to driving to pay bills. I turned to drinking wine to drown out my sorrows and my pains...not very smart especially since I havent eaten today. REALLY not smart since I have consumed two full bottles of wine, and tapped open a 3rd.

I've been told I read too much into things too...maybe that comes from my overly-analytical mind. I think (and overthink) things to the point of exhaustion. Maybe it is the fear of being alone. Sometimes I base my self worth on being with someone. If I am not with someone, I must not be worth anything. Funny thing is, they are right. That is exactly how I have been thinking. The fear of being alone has consumed my self worth. Just like work consumed my entire life to the point where my life revolved around one building.

I look around sometimes, and I dont know if it is jealousy, or if it is more like the old phrase "keeping up with the Jones's" but I look at my life, and I look at the lives that others have, and I wonder where did I go so wrong? Materialistic things dont bother me. I dont need to drive a Hummer or Mercedes Benz. I dont need a 7 bedroom mansion. That's not me at all. I dont have to have the nicest house on the block, or be on the next episode of CRIBS to know where I am with my life. I never expected life to be easy, but I also never expected it to be this hard either. This roller-coaster of a ride seems to be getting bigger hills to climb and bigger decents to tackle.

I was told self worth has to come from within. Right now, I dont know where to start. Looks like a pretty big pile of stuff to go thru.

J-Dawg

The "Dawn" of a new day

This week has been a tough week, but I am trying as hard as I can to keep a positive spin on it. I have a great support system, with my family and friends. Within 30 minutes of me being separated from my company, I had no less than 20 calls and 15 texts from people offering their support. That tells me that I made an impact in everything that I did. This is just giving me the motivation to go do something bigger and better with my life.

I figured with my new job prospects, I would take an hour or two and just design a new template for the blog. Actually, I cannot take credit for it. My friend over at Thoughts from Along the Broken Road helped me design it. 2+ hours of back and forth emails, and we figured out that I am HTML and XML illiterate LOL. But with her patience, we got it done...then I played with layout today. Still not totally the way I want it but I am right there close :)

So, Thanks Dawn! I appreciate your help and patience last night getting this new design done and published. And if any of you know of a headhunter, let me know!

J-Dawg

20 Questions: 02/15/09

My friend Dawn over at Thoughts from the Broken Road does these all the time, and a couple of questions just looked interesting, so I am giving it a shot.

1. What’s something in your life that’s pretty much been used up and needs replacing?
my self esteem…

2. What is older than you?
My dad, my company, my two best friends Rick and Bill LOL

3. Where do you belong?
Its funny, I ask myself that same question every day.

4. Who is no longer a stranger to you?
My friend Melissa

5. What's your favorite accent?
Tony Soproano - fuggetaboutit

6. Do you like apples?
Do you like Apples?? DO YOU like Apples – I got her number – how you like DEM APPLES!!! (Good Will Hunting reference…love that movie! LOVE that line!)

7. Do you play baseball?
Long time ago – seems like a lifetime ago

8. Do you enjoy starting drama?
Absolutely not.

9. Can you run fast?
Not these days

10. Do you believe in magic?
No.

11. What was the first conscious thought you had this morning?
Oh god its way too early (rolled over and went back to sleep)

12. When you get online, what do you do first?
Email first…

13. What is the slowest realization you've ever come to?
That my Dad and my sister are always right…

14. What name would you want have if you were the opposite sex?
No thanks…..

15. What is a song that you love to hate?
“Stay” ~ Sugarland…brings up a lot of emotions…some which have yet to be dealt with.

16. What's in your pockets?
a whole lotta nada

17. Who can you talk with for hours?
Doug…like a couple of old hens when we start talking….

18. What sounds great today?
hitting the lotto.

19. What is the best example of "perfection" that you can think of?
Being at the final game at Memorial Stadium and watching the helicopter fly the home plate from Memorial Stadium to the Orioles new home at Camden Yards.

20. Do good things come to those who wait?
If they do, then I need something for my aching feet…been standing here a LONG time! LOL

Have a great week
J

Happy Single's Awareness Day

Hello and welcome to this year's version of Single's Awareness Day, also known around the world as Happy Valentine's Day...for me, I think I will enjoy my Single's Awareness Day the same way I did last year...alone. I am thinking today is a great day to crawl up on the couch, watch a movie or two, and see if MLB-TV has any good games on. Then later on, maybe some brats and potatoes for dinner...yeah, exciting I know...cant hold back the excitement can you? :)
For those of you who have someone in their lives, I hope you enjoy Valentine's Day. For those of you who are on the same ship as I am, may Single's Awareness Day be a great day for you ... do whatever it is you want to do, and enjoy it!
J

For the love of family and friends

Tonight, while on my way home from getting my truck worked on, I received a phone call. I know you are probably thinking "Dont you ALWAYS get phone calls?" Yeah...I do, but sometimes in the wallowing that has become my existence, I got the chance to just listen. I didnt care about my own problems, like my computer motherboard frying, my monitor taking a dump, nothing cared at that moment except being there for someone else. Just knowing that out of anyone who could have called, or the other person could have called, they chose to call me, and we decided to talk for over an hour. You learn little things you never knew about a person. You dont realize what pain in, until you find out what the other person is having to deal with in their own lives. Then you feel like total crap, because what you thought was painful, really is just an inconvenience.

Life is too short to wallow in the inconveniences that life brings upon you. How you deal with those inconveniences makes you a better person. Sometimes, that smack to the back of the head to set yourself straight can come at you when you least expect it, and when it does, it can also bring you happiness knowing you were able to be there for someone else.

J

How to Walk Away

"There you were, deeply involved in a relationship. It may have been stormy or you may have thought everything was running smoothly. Then it happened: Your significant other no longer wanted to be your significant other. This scenario happens almost every moment of every day, but when it happens to you, your whole world can focus on this. Many people that do not want the relationship to end will go into a panic to keep the relationship alive. Most of these attempts are in vain. When a relationship ends, it can be a heartbreaking, emotionally crippling time, and there are strategies you can implement to learn to let it go.

It is important to understand that as much as you may wish, you simply cannot control another person’s thoughts or feelings. Even if you feel they are unjustly ending the relationship or you do not see any logic in their choice, they possess the freewill to do with their life as they wish. It is sometimes enormously painful to accept this fact, especially if you feel you have given so much of yourself to this other person. When they choose to walk away from you, you may feel a very strong craving to stop the progress of their actions. When feeling that you deserve something from this person, it can cause you to behave in very improper way. This behavior is detrimental to your emotional wellbeing.

There is no debate regarding the poignant pain that is involved in a breakup or divorce. There is not a magic way to completely stop the misery you will feel from the loss of this person. However, there is a way to control these feelings. No amount of pleading, begging or bribery can change how a person feels about you. Once you accept this fact, you can then move on to take actions to behave dignified and accept the end of the relationship with your esteem intact.

If the following sounds familiar, you have not learned the art of letting go. When faced with the end of a relationship, have you called that person endlessly will pleas to be reunited? Have you contacted the other person and promised to change your behavior to better accommodate their needs? Have you attempted repeatedly to question them as to why they are choosing to leave you? All of these are clear-cut signs that you have a difficult time letting a dead relationship go. All of these signs only make the situation worse for you.

When pleading with another person to “begin loving you again”, you are setting yourself up for disaster. You cannot talk someone into loving you. You may be a wonderful, caring, kind and compassionate person, however if someone who was in your life does not feel they want continue the relationship, you cannot force them. You already must deal with the loss of the relationship. Love is a choice of freewill. To beg, plead or otherwise, will only lead to feeling defeated once again.

It is exceedingly difficult indeed, to control the desire to reach out to the person who left you. When you are so used to conversations with them or seeing this person everyday, it will throw your world upside-down when you must deal with a sudden end of communication and a physical connection. Realizing that calling the person, trying to “accidentally run into them” or other means of contact is futile, you must learn to distance yourself. This must be done in the name of self-respect.

If you can be emotionally strong enough to know that nothing you do can bring this person back to you, you can leave with dignity. If you harass this person, in an attempt to reunite, added suffering is imminent. It can be so frustrating to plead, beg and try to persuade someone and have him or her repeatedly reject you. The best road to take is one of complete and utter non-communication. Once knowing you do not possess the power to control their feelings and actions, control your behavior. You will have moments of weakness and there are steps you can take to overcome these.

Resist the urge to “show up accidentally” in places that you know you will run into them. You may think it is a great idea to spend hours making yourself look fantastic and then going to a restaurant, bar or otherwise that the person frequents. Your plan will be to show them how wonderful you look and they will regret their mistake of leaving you. Your plan will actually make the other person fully aware of your plan, and they will think your plan is pitiable. Whatever reason they had for leaving the relationship, whether unfounded or not, will remain intact. Flaunting yourself in front of them is akin to screaming out, “Look at me! Why do you not want me?”. Do you really want to seem that deprived?

Do everything possible to stop yourself from calling them on the telephone. Delete their number from your cell phone. Another good option is to leave their number, but to change their contact name to something along the lines of, “No! He/she treated me horribly”. This is a good strategy to prevent you from calling them, in the moments that you are feeling weak. You can also tape a note to your home phones. One suggestion is to write something such as, “Do not call him/her, they broke your heart and you will look like a fool if you keep calling!”. These may sound rather silly now, but when in a state of a broken heart, it is common to act irrationally and these tips can stop your foolish behavior.

If you are used to instant messaging with this other person, and you wish to leave your messenger intact on your computer for messaging with others, there are several options. Firstly, you should opt to create a new user name and inform only your friends, family and others that you do wish to communicate with of your new name. If you choose to keep your user name, obviously, you should delete your ex’s name off your list. If you are not emotionally strong enough to do so yet, you should at least opt to change their contact name, so that their name will show as “Ex- do not IM him/her!” or anything that will prompt you to not contact them.

You may feel a very strong urge to leave phone messages, or offline instant messages to the other person who left the relationship. You may feel you have an endless array of things to say to this person. Alternatively, you may feel you must get the last word in, but it never ends there. If you allow yourself to leave these messages, you will always find something new to add. The other person is most probably ignoring or deleting your messages, it will not bring them back to you, and all of your efforts will be in vain. Once you have implemented the means to prevent yourself from contacting them, do realize this: As absurd as it sounds at the moment, as much as your heart is aching, as much as you feel you were unfairly treated, as much as you feel you know you were the “best thing to ever happen” to them, time will change your feelings.

It is one of the most frequently used clichés when a relationship ends; however, time does heal all wounds. When using the term “heal” this does not mean that you forget this person forever. It does not mean that you will live the rest of your life without this person’s name or image appearing in your mind. It does mean that given a certain amount of time, the image and memories of this person will fade.

If you follow these guidelines to end the relationship quickly and not drag the breakup into a long process, there will be a day, not too far in the future, that you realize this person was not the right one for you. You desire a good person, someone who cares for you unconditionally, someone to support your decisions, and someone to walk through life with. If this person leaves you, heartbroken and alone, they are proving they possess none of the qualities that you were looking for in a mate. You may feel misled, lied to, or tricked. The reality remains that they ultimately did not measure up to having the qualities needed in a relationship with you.

At one time or another we have all wished we had the power to make someone loves us. We have prayed for their return. We have deprived ourselves from sleep while pondering what we could have done to stop them from leaving. We have spent endless hours wondering how they could leave us. In the end, all of that time spent is needlessly, we will never obtain the answers. Only one fact remains: Everyone has freewill to do as they wish. When a person leaves you, learn to let it go." © Alisa Chagon

I found this -- and sometimes, you read things a couple of times and it still doesnt set in. You think you got it all figured out, and come to find out, you really dont. You have no power to influence, you have no power to bridge the gap. It is totally out of your control, so no matter how hard you try to influence, or show how much that person means to you and your life, they decide this relationship isnt what them want. Their words to you are "I dont know what I want" so for the last year, what did you want? Yeah, we have had ups and downs, like every relationship. What made you decide, out of the blue, you dont know what you want, but you know this isnt it? So this has been my dilema for over 4 months now. How does someone walk away from another person, who shows them all the love in the world, puts them on a pedestal, treats them like the center of attention, and in a snap of a finger...they dont want it anymore. They say they love you, but how do you believe that when they decide to walk away? The feelings I have for this person havent gone away. I still love this person more than anything, and would again put this person on high...how do I move beyond that? I said from the very first moment we went into this relationship that having her in my life as a friend was more than not having her in my life at all.

If someone has the answers let me know. I cant seem to find them.

J