Inspiration from a Friend

Earlier today, as I was sitting here with my allergies, wishing I would have been able to go to the softball game I was invited to, I came across a passage:

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."
~ 1 Thessalonians 5:18 ~



Earlier in the day, I have become "down" for the lack of a better term, with the fact that I wasnt able to get out today due to my allergies. Then I had come across a video on my friend Melissa's FaceBook page. Its a video I have seen before, but each time I see it, it makes me think. It is the story of Nick Vujicic (yeah, I had to google it to figure out how to spell his last name!) and his "Life Without Limbs". Its an amazing story, and one which makes you realize how miniscule your problems are compared with the rest of the world.

Yeah, today was one of those days where I had to dig down deep to have the strength to get back up. Its not that I have some debilitating disease or anything like that. Sometimes I forget that the challenges put before us, strengthen us as a person. God will never give us something we cannot handle. Sometimes I just lose sight of that.

J-Dawg

Post #200 - and ... the start of something new

Almost 15 years ago, I started with Schneider National Carriers as a driver. They took someone who didnt know the first thing about driving a truck, and trained me to become a driver. Since that time, I have had the privilege of being a part of One-Way system freight (random) Dedicated for customers such as Ford, Kimberly Clark, Proctor and Gamble, Fort Howard (now Georgia Pacific after a few acquisitions), and Chrysler. I had the opportunity to work in operations, dealing with driver concerns, pay, overweight loads, and the like. Then I had the opportunity to do a start-up of an account in Newark Delaware, for our customer Chrysler. This entailed building routes, setting up rack and part returns, dealing with 6-7 trucking companies, and over 100 of our own drivers. I then had that same opportunity in Green Bay to work with GM-SPO. After that, I became a 2nd shift dispatcher, dispatching freight in the Northeast (Basically Virginia to Buffalo and east, and from Windsor Canada east). I eventually added dedicated to my plate, which was alot of fun. I then had the opportunity to work with our box team, developing and deploying a tool known as Box Management. This tool would allow us to keep better track of our trailers. I then moved into a Driver Dispatch Planner role, which was alot of fun. This allowed me to be responsible for almost 200 drivers, and dispatch them no matter where they were in the country. This was my most challenging role. This also allowed me to work on a project known as Weekly Time At Home (WTAH). This was started at 7 different operating centers, but over time, the only one continuing the program was myself (with my counterparts at the Chicago OC). I asked permission to develop it and work with the drivers more directly, which they allowed me to do. The WTAH model I developed is now being done by alot of different people at Schneider all over the country. Then, Schneider decided to eliminate my position due to the economy, which I took in stride. At the end of my severance time, I chose to return to driving with Schneider, a move that ALOT of people questioned, and a move that at least one manager tried to block. Even my family was taken aback by the decision. I looked at it this way. I know the ins and outs of that company better that almost anyone...why not keep doing what I already know...so I did. I eventually was given the opportunity to become a training engineer (train drivers who have recently graduated from driving schools for trucking) and I have enjoyed that.

But now, I have an opportunity to grow not only as a person, but also grow others as well. It is with great sadness that I say that I am leaving Schneider National. But it is with great joy and jubilation that I announce that I am now the Transportation Supervisor for a small company here in Green Bay. It is a great move for me, filled with its own new unique challenges. I am eternally grateful for my manager the last 1½ years Wanda, for she kept me grounded, she believed in me, even when those higher up didnt, and almost pushed me to be the best I can be. She nominated me for the Training Engineer program (the only Green Bay driver). I had to fight to keep her as my manager, but it was well worth the fight. She always looked after me on the road, and did her best to always get me home ontime. I always did the best I could, and even did the work that nobody else would do, and got the job done.

Now I get to enjoy being home every night and every weekend again. I get to do all the things with my kids that I have been missing -- like my daughter's dance lessons, my son's swimming lessons, and my daughter's and son's soccer practices and games. I am looking forward to having a routine again. I am looking forward to making a life again. And .... I am looking forward to 16 days from now when Annie will be landing in Green Bay! :) She is coming up for a 2-plus week visit!

So as I say goodbye to a part of my life, and hello to a new chapter, I am reminded of the quote from Jim Coleman ... "I like to think that my finest hour is still ahead of me, so I can look forward rather than look backward." I am looking forward to the new challenges I face :)

J-Dawg

Battle of the Peaks and Valleys

I think the first thing I thought of when I started to write this was "oh no - here we go again" like it is a recurring theme. I hate the fact that right now, inside I feel like a theme ride at an amusement park. The peaks and valleys of the emotional roller coaster I have been on for what seems like months is not coming to an end. My friend Dawn the other day said something to me that has stuck with me for the last couple of days ... "You cannot control the circumstances. You cannot control the things that happen around you or to you. You cannot control how others treat you or how they act or what they do or what decisions they make. These are all external variables over which we have no say. But you CAN choose how you react and how you let these things affect you. You can choose that part." I have tried to figure out how to react to something that has an emotional tie to it that when it doesnt go your way, brings you down. Maybe its the fact that I never dealt with my feelings before, that I never had a problem in the past. Maybe in the past, the problems were minor compared to now. Maybe my problems now arent as large as they appear to be.

Jan 1st 2010 -- this is a day that I want to remember a year from now and look back and say "I DID IT!" I want this year to be filled with the positives. I want this year to be the year that I can say I put everything into everything I am doing. I have a wonderful person in my life that makes me happy. I have kids that are so wonderful, and I love every moment I get to spend with them. I am blessed to have the love and support of my family. I am blessed to have the love and support of my close friends (you know who you are). I am blessed to have Jesus Christ back in my life where He should have been all along. I am thankful for all the riches I have in my life. There is no way I could be where I am without all of this being in my life.

FOCUSES for 2010

1. New Job - I am actively looking for new work. I want to put my 14 years in transportation and logistics to better use, or be able to put my IT degree to use more than it is being used right now
2. My weight - it continues to be an issue. With my current job, it is so difficult to lose weight, but I know i have to find a way to do it.
3. My kids - I want to have more time with them, and continue to nurture and grow them into the wonderful kids they are today. I just want to make sure they continue to grow in all the right ways.
4. My family and friends - to make sure that the positives I need in my life they also get to enjoy in their lives as well.

This is just a part of what I want to do this year. I hope that you all can enjoy this year with me and be positive not only for me, but also for yourself as well. I know I slip (damn BANANA PEELS!) from time to time, and will find a way to turn that slip into a positive. Here's to 2010 and all that is holds in store for us!

J-Dawg

Father's Day Pictures

I finally got some decent pictures of the pictures my kids made for me for Fathers Day.



This one is because they are "nuts" about me (love the peanuts!)












McKenna and her castle - because she is the princess!











Jared and his train tracks because he loves trains!











Because they are "growing" up :)



















Father of the year magazing cover

J-Dawg

20 Questions - June 22, 2009

1. What is your favorite physical characteristic in the opposite sex?

I would say her smile. From there, how her eyes sparkle when she smiles. :)

2. What is the first TV show you remember watching as a child?

Romper Room – AND, it was filmed in Baltimore MD!

3. What is your favorite quotable line from a movie?

((knocking on the outside window))
HEY – DO YOU LIKE APPLES???
((guy who he scuffled with at bar see him thru window))
Yeah, I like apples
((Will takes Skylar’s number she wrote on a napkin and slams it on the window for him to see))
WELL I GOT HER NUMBER!!! How you like DEM APPLES??!!!!

~Good Will Hunting, 1997

4. What is your favorite kind of sandwich?

DAGWOOD!!!!

5. How old were you when you got your first kiss?

14, I can even tell you when and where (HI DEB!)

6. I don't understand:

Why people ASSUME in an accusatory tone, THEN ask questions!! We all know what the words ASSUME spells!

7. Your opinion about love at first sight:

It can happen, just not to me! :)

8. How does it make you feel when you hear people argue?

GET a room! I don’t need to hear your sh!t

9. Have you ever fallen for someone who turned out to be nothing like they seemed?

If I have to REALLY answer this question, I will just point you to my archives!

10. Do you mind sharing the food that is on your plate with someone?

Not at all :) Ask though, don’t just TAKE!

11. Somewhere, somebody is asking him- or herself whatever happened to you. Who is it?

I would hope it would be Jenny Arnold - its ashame we drifted apart and havent talked in almost 15 years...and I dont even know why

12. How did your car get that little scratch/dent?

I hit my work bench in my garage with it – not paying attention and scraped my fender extenders

13. Would you rather get up early or sleep in?

If the Lord would have wanted me to see a sunrise, he would have made it for noon!

14. Last person to leave you a comment?

My dad (via email since he doesn’t have a blogger acct). Thanks Dad :)

15. Who out of your friends has the next birthday coming up?

Jerrod at the end of the week

16. What is your favorite Disney movie?

If Pixar counts, then it has to be Madagascar

17. In what position do you sleep?

((so glad I read the ENTIRE question LOL)) on one of my sides

18. How long does it take you to get out of bed in the morning?

Anywhere from 5 minutes to half an hour

19. What do you have for a ring tone?

For the general public, I have The Soprano’s theme (although I can change it to any one of about 30 MP3s I have on my new phone!), for Rick I have Its Tricky, for the kids I have “I LIKE TO MOVE IT” from Madagascar, for Val I have Sarah McLachlan, and for my truck driver friends, I have the “Smokey and the Bandit” theme

20. What scent is the air freshener in your bathroom?

Does FEBREEZE count?

J-Dawg

4 Years ago

4 years ago today, this world lost a very talented, and absolutely awesome musician. Darrell Abbott, for those who followed him, knew him as Diamond, then Dimebag, was killed 4 years ago today, in Columbus OH at the Alrosa Villa. He, and his brother, drummer Vinnie Paul Abbott, formed the band Pantera. From the moment I heard Pantera for the first time, I was immediately hooked on their raw, gritty, guitar-riffed heavy songs...the more I listened, the more I liked. From songs like Walk, Cowboys From Hell, I'm Broken, 5 Minutes Alone, and their phenominal remake of Planet Caravan, this group will forever be known for thei revolutionization of heavy metal. At a time when grunge was the way, they showed the grittier the music, the better.

I found Pantera back in 1990-ish, when Cowboys From Hell was released. I still to this day have the casette tape!

I will remember the day I found out about it. I was sitting at work, and the phone rings, and it is my sister. Now, we talk alot, even to this day, but during work hours, alot of times its via email. So it was kind of odd for her to call me at work. I asked her if everything was OK. She said yes, she then asked if I had heard...heard what? I asked. She told me Dime had been shot and killed the night before. She knew how much I loved Pantera. I was in total shock. At first I am thinking "Shot - HOW? Where?" So I had to go find out...so i researched, and immediately went into a semi-rage! HOW COULD HE!!! NATHAN GALE YOU COWARD SON OF A BITCH!!! Officer Niggemeyer that night put a shotgun blast to your face. You earned every pellet that shotgun blasted that night...

Society has come to this? We dont like the actions (or more to the point UNDERSTAND) of others, so we kill them? Wear a Dodger's hat in the wrong part of LA they shoot people? Wear a Saints jersey to work (the day AFTER they pulverize the Packers!) and people scowl like **I** had something to do with the lack of effort (and play calling) from the Packers, causing the loss? Its just sick.

Darrell did not have to die that night. With him, died a legend, a musician, that cannot be replaced.

RIP Darrell - you are missed

Another year older

Yeah, its been awhile since I have posted. I havent had the spark I once had to write. I have been busy putting my life back together, and spending time with my kids, etc. So I write to you today a year older. Tomorrow, is the one year anniversary of my divorce, and yet it seems as if it has taken 5-10 years of my life away from me.


Had my best friend from New Mexico up for a visit (that's him in the Cheese Head). Took him around town to the area attractions like Lambeau Field, and the Atrium, and along Nicolet Drive (which runs right along the eastern short of the Bay of Green Bay). Had to stop by the Packer Pro Shop for a little bit of money spendage. Then we decided that day that we would take in a baseball game (Single-A down in Appleton). Weather changed a bit, and we didnt want to drive down there if it was going to rain, so we went to Stadium View (local watering hole, and also locale for some of my DJing gigs) for dinner and drinks before my very first AFL (Arena Football League) game.

The Green Bay Blizzard were playing the Lexington Horseman! WHAT A BLAST!!! This game went right down to the last play of the game, and GB lost by one point (final score picture at the right). However, if our kicker didn't suck so bad, he cost us 5 points by missing 2 extra points and a field goal...oh well! I still had fun :) It was $1 beer, hot dog, and soda night. How can you NOT have fun on Dollar Nights!!!

SO I thought I would post to let everyone know that YES, I am still around just trying to get my life back in order, get my mind back in order, and start writing again. I know the people at Thursday 13 are wondering where I went!

Have a great day!
J

The pot calling the kettle black

Its funny when you think you have the power and determination to take on the world, sometimes you find out you cant even take on yourself. I have been dealing with that struggle for some time now. Today was one of those days.

Today would have been 7 years for me. 7 years married to someone I trusted. 7 years married to someone I loved. 7 years married to someone who I thought loved me too. Honestly, at this moment in time, it doesn't even matter any more. Those days are behind me.

All day I never even gave a 2nd thought to what today's date was. It wasn't until tonight while talking to a friend of mine that it dawned on me. At that one moment, I had that feeling of failure ... that feeling of self doubt and the the 100 "what-if" questions. I simply wasnt going to measure up to whatever it was she was looking for. No matter how hard I tried, it would never be enough.

So tonight, I tried to act like it didnt phase me --- the facade of the happy person when inside at that one moment, I was hurting. At that same moment, I was taken back to a conversation just yesterday with a friend of mine in which I said "...be true to yourself. I would rather be true to myself and miserable / blue / off / lethargic or whatever, than not true to myself, and wearing a happy façade knowing I am not happy at all." How dare I?! Here I am not even 24 hours later not being true to myself.

SO I picked my sorry butt up off the couch, and grabbed a card that my girl sent me for Sweetest Day...and that moment of my hurting went away, and that moment of my fake happiness was replaced by true happiness. Knowing that someone was out there thinking of me, and wanting to be with me, made that one moment disappear. I am in a much happier place. I am in a place where bad days are OK...little things matter and dont go unnoticed...I dont have to be someone I am not...I am loved for who I am...and that makes all the difference in the world!

When you are true to yourself, others will be too...you will be surprised who is standing there. When you are genuine, people may let you in to their circle of trust, where others may not be as fortunate.

J-Dawg

30 Days

I have been taking time away from here, for multiple reasons. First and foremost, for me. I have gone from wanting to write, to lately feeling like I need to write - like it is a chore. I never wanted this to be a chore, or something that I just HAD to do. I wanted this to be something I enjoyed. So the time away was good for me. 30 Days to be exact.

I have been taking time for me. I have taken time with my kids. I have taken time to have fun in life, and have a vacation of my own. I have taken time to love myself again, and in the process be loved back. I learned that you can't love anyone else until you learn to love yourself.

I have been busy with work, with new processes, and new challenges. Too bad, with all of this, there wasn't new money, but oh well! You can't have everything :)

I am very happy where I am with my life right now. I have my kids. I have a job that I like. I have someone who means alot to me, and I have been able, through all of this, to find the old me again. The Me that is fun-loving, happy, and ready to take on the world again. I thought I had lost the ability to love, the ability to live life to its fullest, and the ability to be happy.

I had just temporarily misplaced it.

So after much consideration about what to do with this place I call my internet home, I have made the decision to keep it up. I had been contemplating whether or not to take it down, but the only person I would be hurting would be myself. I would have no outlet for what is on my mind...well, I shouldnt say NO outlet, but you know what I mean. Plus, where would you go to find out that Dawn was probably having a coronary on the West Coast while her beloved Red Sox lost a 3-game series sweep at the hands of Satan's Minions/The Evil Empire/The Damn Yankees.

So with all of that being said, for those who have missed this little escape over here, I look forward to seeing you return here. For those that have never been here before, and you just stumbled onto this little neck of the woods, grab your helmet! :)

Have a wonderful Labor Day Weekend!

J-Dawg

#13 explained

It was the Spring of 1989, my senior year in high school. Unlike many people, I would never want to relive my senior year of high school. There were so many things that happened between the end of my junior year, and the summer after my senior year of high school that I would just as soon forget. In that time frame, I lost 6 friends of mine. One was two weeks before graduation. Two were in a vehicle I could have and/or should have been in. This is where the story goes.

In high school, I worked at Wal-Mart because it was THE place to work. Our town was only 30,000 people, but unless you have ever lived in New Mexico, you dont understand that in a town that size, everybody still knows everybody. One night, I had gotten off work early, and decided to stop at the little pizza joint on my way home. It was great -- you could get a slice (of pizza) and a Slice (soda) for $2. What a deal! As I am sitting there, 3 friends of mine rolled up and asked if I wanted to go cruising. After debating whether or not I should go, I decided to go home and study. Yeah me - giving up a night cruising around Carlsbad, and instead go home and study. It is a decision that to this day haunts me. At this point, its about 9pm.

Just after Steve, Tommy, and Chad left the pizza place, they picked up a 4th person and decided to cruise the town. At some point that evening, alcohol was introduced to the mix. One thing leads to another, and at approximately 1145pm that evening, Steve rolled his jeep, killing himself, and Tommy (2 days later) and seriously injuring the other two. I cant say for sure, but chances were pretty good I would have been sitting in the seat that Tommy was sitting in.

To this day, I am thankful to be here. Some days are harder than others, but still thankful that I made the decision I did. At 17...I would like to think once alcohol was introduced I would have left the vehicle...I am sure my closest friends would also back me up on this. Its just sad at times to think back and wonder what if. I would have missed out on so much. Maybe that is why it hurts so much sometimes. To Billy, Natalie, Tommy, Steve...

J-Dawg

P.S. Do you think it is weird I am writing about #13 on Friday the 13th?

Thursday Thirteen -- 06/28/07

HELLO! And welcome to another edition of the Thursday 13 -- Yeah, another hiatus, but dont fear...I am hoping that will be the last one for a little while.

Alot has happened to me over the last year, and there have been some real struggles. But this week, I am going to focus on 13 things over the past year that have been really positive in my life, and I hope it inspires you to create positives in your life too:

1. In no particular order, I am thankful for Elisa, Valerie, Rick, Bill, Mary Anne, Dawn, Ed, Kim, Kelli, Tom, and a whole host of other people I know I am forgetting...thank you for getting me through this past year. Whether it was by phone, text, email, or whatever method, it was appreciated.
2. I have spent more time with my kids recently. I have decided not to work as much as I was working (also helps that the OT hours arent there as they used to be). So this gives me more time with them. The other day, I got to go see my daughter's soccer practice. I am so happy to see her wanting to do sports too!
3. Little man and I got to spend time chasing each other around the playground that same day (more like me chasing him everywhere). He has no fear of anything - where ever he decides to walk, whether there are stairs there or not, he is safe. He thinks he walks on water :)
4. Chicago trip - I got to go to Chicago in May for work. Had 5 days in Chicago with a GREAT bunch of people. Great group outing -- Just a blast to start off a new "Me" (see below)
5. Even though my divorce is finalized, I can move on and still be happy. I cant change what happened. I can only say that I did my best, and nobody can ever say I didnt.
6. No more crappy feelings of guilt or whatever....I am focusing on the positives in my live which as of today have allowed me to lose 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks. :)
7. I got a HUGE compliment at work today. At work, we have been going through changes in how we dispatch our drivers. I have been one of the folks involved with this change. It is a major change, that has been almost a year in the making. With this change, I asked if I could roll this change out to the people I would be working with in Chicago, which was monumental. While in Chicago, a driver came over and said "Hey, sorry I wont get a chance to work with you (meaning me)" So I asked him why. His miles were down. He wasnt getting home on time. So after almost 45 minutes of talking to him, I convinced him to give me 60 days to work with him...He called me on Friday of last week and said that he had recinded his resignation, thanked me for taking care of him, and was so glad he stopped in that last day to see me. But the story gets better. My manager hears what is going on, he passes it on the to Vice Pres of Customer Service. He sents the story on to the President of CS, as well as the VP of Operations (who deals with all the high-level driver managers and Operating Managers). Today, on the Upper Management Conference Call, my name was mentioned with my story of this driver, to every Operating Center Manager and Team Operations Manager in the entire company, as well at the Senior Corporate Leadership. So there was only one person that wasnt on that call that will hear about it tomorrow, the CEO of Schneider!! HOW IS THAT for a happy thought! Talk aout humbling. I know they put on their pants the same way I do every day, but to have your name mentioned to so many High Level Managers....it just shows that my hard work and dedication to my job are being recognized by so many leaders.
8. 5732 more songs have been added to my server at home. I am at about 35% complete, bringing the total to almost 11,800 songs from my CDs I have cataloged onto my server.
9. Yogurt isnt a yucky thing! I have found 3 so far that I actually like! Although, you can keep the whipped chocolate one -- one word -- ICK!
10. Healthiness is a state of mind. Right now, I am hoping my mind is still somewhere in this state LOL One day at a time
11. Inspriations come in many forms. They made be little quips about yourself, a quick email from someone, or from a life events. I have been inspired this year to write from all of these experiences.
12. I have a new drink of choice -- Bacardi Razzzzzzz :) MMMmmmMMMmMMMMMmmmmm delish!
13. I am happy to be a regular TT13er...maybe next year, I can actually meet a few of you in my travels!

May ALL of you out there, have a wonderful week! Thank you for continuing to stop by here. And please, if you do, leave a little tidbit or comment or something! :)

J-Dawg

An inspirational thought

A person I am glad to call a friend once said Don't underestimate the value of what you have to say, yourself. =) So here I am writing...because I am not going to underestimate my own writings!

SOOOOO .... I got the results back from my VisualDNA (See my fun little thing below)...and here is what it said:

PERSONALITY
MOODS: EASY RIDER
EASY RIDER - Always taking life how it comes and living in the moment. They dont get phazed by life. They just breeze through
You are a bit of a romantic and have a taste for the exotic. You love feeling the sea breeze in your hair and sun on your skin...Slip those shoes off... You like to kick back. When it comes to art, you apprciate flair and precision. highbrow and in the know, you've got an eye for fine detail. As for music, you're a focused listener and always on the look out for something new. Your music collection is your treasure. Your choice of treat reveals either real exhaustion, or maybe a bit of laziness? Either way you're never happier than when you are rugged, and snuggled up, eyes shut.

FUN: THRILLER
THIRLLER - They can make the best of any situation - always alot of fun to be around. They love to laugh, and have a bit of a naughty side.
Always the first to take the leap, you never look back - you try not to have regrets. You like to take the plunge: this attitude will give you a wealth of experience. For kicks you like to indulge in your great passions. You are happy to live life's highs and lows; you are fiercely loyal and passionate. You like to be part of something big. When it comes to holidays, you like to be immersed in a completely different world. It's a chance to explore activities that you don't have time for in day-to-day life. What grosses you out? Nobody is perfect but some bad habits aren't acceptable; you realize that health is wealth.

HABITS: JUNKIE MONKEY
JUNKIE MONKEY - They dont have rules, and they dont like restrictions. They make their own choices, and do as they please. For them, pleasure always comes first.
Even if you have a healthy approach to life, you still have your voices, and a craving for hunger drives your needs. So you'll supersize it, you love convenience, and that taste ... Ah yes, the old glass of wine or two - nothing beats it. After a long day, you like to curl up and unwind. Nothing beats relaxing the shoulders, loosening that tongue, and letting the day go by. As for the home, you are traditional: you invest in quality and history. You like your home to be stylish as you are.

LOVE: LOVE BUG
LOVE BUG - They are the type to fall in love 1000 times a day. Their feelings snowball quickly, and they are full of passion
A strong friendship is the basis for any loving relationship. You like to be able to share your whole life with your friends, family, and your partner. When you think of freedom - you think of being in charge of your direction. The open road and a full tank of gas can take you pretty much anywhere!

It's amazing how they know me so well!

J-Dawg

A fun little thing :)

Thanks Dawn! :)

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Thursday Thirteen --- 05/31/07

Hello everyone :) Welcome to my latest edition of the Thursday 13. A prelude before my TT13 thought.

I have had a 2-week hiatus mainly because of some issues I am dealing with. Part of which is what I am going to write about. For those who have been reading for awhile, you know that there have been a couple writings over the years dealing with personal issues, depression, weight problems. Recent events in my life had led me down these same paths, and the last couple of days I have felt like that giant run-away bowling ball, with nothing stopping it. Hence the hiatus two weeks ago. Last week, I just got busy with work and stuff...just didnt get a chance to do anything. It was probably a good thing. Working took my mind away from what has been on my mind. But it leads me to the avoidance piece. Avoid it long enough, maybe it will go away....it doesnt, but it was worth a shot.

So here are 13 things I would like to change (or are attempting to change) about myself - in no particular order:

1. My weight is still a struggle -- it comes and it goes and then it comes back again. This is not a new struggle. Just a struggle I cant seem to conquer.


2. My "everything is OK" facade -- There are days when everything is NOT OK...and I need to deal with those and stop acting like everything IS OK


3. My CD collection is all out of sorts. I started to organize them, and now I just need to finish that and get my collection on my server. I made a dent - I have about 20% (over 9000 songs) on there, tagged, and organized....I am getting there :)


4. DVD Collection -- see above, just nowhere NEAR 9000...more like 90 but I need to catalog and organize it


5. Let go of the past - Its over and done with -- move on!


6. Express true feelings without inhibition. Sometimes, I dont go as far as I would like to when I write. I stop mid-feeling...maybe from an inhibition or fear of rejection from my peers? who knows :)


7. Exercise - See #1 -- I need to get into a regiment of exercise regularly. I start then I stop then I start again, then I stop again


8. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. I need to find how to love myself again. To quote the great Righteous Brothers, I lost that loving feeling.


9. Since moving to Wisconsin I have also not found a church...I miss going to church.


10. Explore Wisconsin. There are so many parts of this state I have never seen.


11. Relax - I need to find some "ME" time. If you dont take time for yourself, you really should!


12. Some friends have asked for some music - I am actually going to get around to sending them out :) So its been since Christmas - I'm getting there!


13. Complete closet cleaning -- time to empty them out and redo them

Have a great week everyone!

J-Dawg

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11 years ago

At 620am 11 years ago, a very big piece of my life went to be with the Lord after a 13 year battle with cancer. Pop (my grandfather) was a great person. I remember fishing with him and my father on the banks of the Shenandoah River. I remember learning how to cut grass with the riding lawnmower. I remember when Pop and Ma (my grandmother -- gee, can ya tell we's SOUTHERN?) would come to my little league baseball games. I remember when Pop would let me change the gears in his Rabbit while he drove on the back country roads. I remember going to get YooHoo's at the country store.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. I used to drive truck for the same company I work for still to this day (Schneider National Carriers)...and I made it a habit to call home to both my Dad and my grandparents on Tuesdays and Saturdays just to let them know I was OK....that particular Tuesday (23rd) I had blown a tire and had to get it fixed. By the time I was done that night, and parked at the truck stop, it was 11pm. I just thought I would call first thing in the morning. I didnt want to wake them up. I was in Rock Springs, Wyoming that night. Whenever I was on the road, my dad would always send messages to my truck's computer to call home, and he always made sure to ask that "non-emergency" be put on the message. When I woke up on the morning of the 24th, to the beeping of the computer. I read the message that said "Call Home"...and I knew something was wrong. So I walk into the restaurant, and asked the waitress to be seated in the farthest most part of the restaurant, and she did. I was away from everyone. I made that call home from my table, and found out that Pop had passed away. I spent the next 90 mins trying to compose myself, take a shower, and try to make arrangements. The waitress was so kind. She kept asking if there was anything she could do. At the end of the meal, I went to pay, and she said that the manager will be picking up my tab and to drive safely home to my family.
As I walked back out to my truck, I happened to see another Schneider truck pulling out of the truck stop. I didnt think twice about that truck until a short time later. I received a message from my manager that I was going to be swapping loads with another driver so that I could get home to Dallas to fly home and to meet him at the Flying J truck stop in Laramie, WY. A short while later I met the other driver at the truck stop and swapped loads. I offered him a coffee for his trouble. As we walked back out from the store, he told me that this was the 2nd time in three days he had swapped loads with another Schneider driver to get them home for a family emergency. I appreciated his gesture, shook his hand, and he just asked that if anyone ever needed something that I would hopefully return the gesture someday. I never had a problem swapping loads with someone to get them home.
So I took off from Laramie, bound for Dallas TX. From that point, I was still about 1000 miles from home. I pretty much drove straight through to get home, only stopping for 4 hours in Amarillo for a quick nap, food, shower, and then proceeded to lock my keys in my truck...When I got to Dallas, I parked my truck, drove over to the airport in my personal vehicle, and got my tickets home.
I remember the sermon from Brother Keith...it was 1 Thessalonias 5:4-11. If you have a chance, read these words. Brother Keith's words I can still here being spoken today. I can hear his powerful voice as he sang that morning. I can remember the fellowship afterwards. A rememberance of a beautiful life.
Today is about remembering :) I miss you Pop. I wish you could see me now!

Love
#1 Grandson

Thoughts of Times Past

Hello everyone . I am trying a new font - just to see if I like it or not -- Personally, I like it - what do you think? Let me know!

Anyhow, do you ever get those thoughts in your head, basically you are sitting there and all the sudden you think of something from your past, and it is so vivid, its like it happened yesterday?? The other day, I was talking to my buddy Bill, and all the sudden, a vivid recollection of days past entered my mind (grab a helmet, you might need one!) and all the sudden it was 1990, and I was back in Albuquerque. And not like the "OH, that was a nice memory"...NO, this was like "WOW, that happened just yesterday" kind of memory.

Wanna hear another good one?

Tonight it happened again! Heard from someone who I havent talked to in what seems like ages and forever, and all the sudden, like the last time we talked was yesterday.

Maybe its just the fact that I have so much going on in my life, my mind is trying to tell me not to forget the little things (and/or big things too)....or maybe my mind is in such an overdrive state that the only way to ground myself is to think of the things that bring back happy thoughts/happy feelings. Maybe its just all in mind

Nuff said there (like I said, grab a helmet)

Could part of it be that I have yet to accept the fact that the life I once knew will no longer be, and that anything I do to better my situation will only worsen it for me in the long run? For those of you who know what I am currently going through, you know what I mean. I try to take two steps forward to try and get ahead, only to be knocked back 3-5 steps...and right now, I feel like I am knocked down for a 10 count...and I no longer want to fight. As much as I try each and every day to look forward to that day in a positive manner, I find myself feeling low, down, down on myself, and lethargic to life some days. Like today...woke up to foggy clammy 45 degrees (after yesterday it being 81!)...just put me into a mood of BLAH and all I wanted to do was camp out and do NOTHING!! To quote the great Peter Gibbons (for those who have seen Office Space) "...I did nothing -- and it was EVERYTHING I thought it could be!"...and honestly, it was nice to do nothing today. I kinda wish I would have gotten out after 3pm when the sun FINALLY poked her head out from behind th foggy haze, but I didnt -- I just lulled in the corner of the couch.

As I sit here reading it for the third time, contemplating just hitting DELETE and not posting this I wonder this - would I be doing any good by typing stuff, then hitting delete instead of publish?

In the famous words of Arsenio Hall...."things that make you say HHHMMMMmmmmm!'

J

151 Questions

I found this on another TT13'ers blog and thought -- what the heck! I cant sleep anyway, so why not give it a shot, so here we go:

Below is a list of Life Events. Please post this on your blog, making BOLD the things you have done.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer (do now)
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign (tried to in high school – remember Bill??)
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured an ancient site
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played Dungeons & Dragons for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Swam with the manatees (since there was no 84, I made it up!)
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently well enough to have a decent conversation
95. Performed in Rocky Horror Picture Show
96. Raised (raising) children (child)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Travelled to Canada (another missing question?)
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived (close enough, was supposed to be in a car that I lost 2 friends on mine in)
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach (Why would I do that?!??!!?)
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts (more times that some smaller PC companies)
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ (and even got to show my skillz at my best-friends wedding!)
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life
151. Finished a marathon ( somedays, I cant even DRIVE a marathon, let alone RUN one!)

~~WHEW!!!~~~ OK I am ready to sleep now :)

J-Dawg