A lost writing

I sometimes just sit down and free-write - no real direction - just flow. This is one of those free-writings. I wrote the week my life changed...

OPEN WINDOW TO MY SOUL

Another day in this house
All alone
Cold and empty

Sleepless nights and endless days
Working on a solution to a problem that
cannot be solved
Wondering how to find the answers

What I wouldnt give
To be the life of the party
To not have this empty feeling
Deep inside

There are times and places for everything
Except for those times you do not wish to face
Those times are for simpler times
When you are ready to face your fears.

I am not ready to face those fears
Not yet anyway
I have grown comfortable in the surroundings I have
built around me
And dont want the walls to come crashing in.

Leaving these surroundings
Will open doors I am not ready to look into
Will open old wounds that have not yet healed
Will be very trying on my heart, and on my soul

Fear is constant within me
Fear of losing those close to me
Fear of saying the wrong thing
Fear of the unknown

Wrestling within my own mind
Are the fears I bring on myself
Fear of rejection
Fear of pain
Fear of loneliness
Fear of fears

Sometimes, do you say what you want to say
Or do you say nothing at all
Alison Krause once said
You say it best, when you say nothing at all

So I choose to keep my feelings closely guarded
Free of fear
Able to keep me warm
When I need that person most, they will know
They will feel the same feeling I am feeling right now

Again, I wrote this about a couple weeks ago, maybe almost a month now, during a difficult time in my life.

I have learned over the past couple weeks that I am in control of my own destiny. When I read what I wrote above, I see depression setting in. I am not allowing that to happen. Been there -- done that.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I know I will - I get to be with my kids :)

J-Dawg

Thursday Thirteen -- 09/14/06

WELCOME EVERYONE to another exciting issue of the Thursday Thirteen. I have been gone for a couple weeks moving into a new place. Now that I am all settled in, I am ready to write again! So without further adooooooooooooooo............................



Thirteen Things I want to improve on in the next 13 months ((**thanks Jodi!))

1. Spending time with my kids -- because I basically worked my tail off, just to have everything all go away from me. My time with my kids will be the only thing on my schedule. Phone off, computer off, TV off -- kid time :)

2. My weight. I am working on it as we speak. I have lost some, but I have a lot more to lose. BUT! My friend Jodi said she would help me with that

3. Focus more on myself. I don't even know who I am anymore. I am a father, a friend, but I don't even know myself. So I want to find the "ME" that I have lost.

4. Exercise more -- goes along with #1 -- pretty self explanatory.

5. Self-improvement. I want to learn HTML. I got my degree, now its time to have fun.

6. Organization -- I want to improve how and when I organize -- not a huge Spring Clean and and (maybe) a fall clean -- I want to organize myself so I do it right away -- this is going to be tough. I hope Mission: Organization is taking applicants!

7. Music -- I have SOOOOOOOO many CDs and stuff from when I DJs I need to get them into an area that I can manage. I have CDs EVERYWHERE! Currently I am in the process of putting CDs on my hard drive. I am about 30% done, and I am over 7000 and counting. ALL legal!

8. TT13 -- visiting those pages who have visited me, and letting them know I stopped in. I have been really bad about that. With my move, and everything, my TT took a hiatus, but I promise to visit every single visitor who comments

9. NASCAR -- I love NASCAR, however have only seen 2 races in its entirety in 2 years...one just last weekend. I look forward to watching more sports, and being involved with sports again. Bowling league LOOKOUT!!!!

10. Separating work and home -- I think about WAYYY too much work stuff at home -- I have even lost sleep some nights worrying about work stuff. NO MORE!

11. Spend time with friends -- I have not done that either -- all I did was work. Time for play time too.

12. Take more pictures -- I want more pictures of my kids, my travels, everything.

13. Enjoy life

It's been awhile, but I am glad to be back! I hope to do it all :) Make it a great week everyone!!!

J-Dawg

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The Beginning of a New Chapter

Today, the lyrics of an old Enya song stuck out. Now, I am not much of an Enya fan -- not to say I dont like her music, just not at the top of my list. More like middle of the road. The lyrics said:

Who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time...

I know there is a road I want to take a trip down. Right now, that road is a trip to find myself. I know I am out there, I just need to take the time to find out who I am again, and where I am in my own life

Thursday Thirteen 08/17/06

Good morning one and all - I just love that Thursday Thirteen banner :) Makes me wanna run upstairs and brew som Tim Horton's coffee and sit back and relax - however at midnight, that might be a bit tough on the sleep deprivation :) This week, my Thursday Thirteen is about things I heard in other people's conversations without even trying to listen:

1. "Did you hear what happened to (insert name here)? Well, I am not supposed to tell anyone but....." OK, first of all, if you are not supposed to tell, WTF are you telling someone for?? Boy, she's got upper management written all over her!


2. "Oh my God like LOL" OK it is bad enough that the phrase LOL is the most overused phrase ever. But to actually say the letters L O L in a onversation, yeah that is taking it one step closer to spelling your name SuZaNnA because it is SoOoOoOo Cool!!!


3. "What's Good Will Hunting?" Yes, someone actually said they had never heard of this movie - I almost had a coronary right in the middle of the Customer Service floor. WHAT!!!! You have GOT to be kidding me!


4. "So if I am being fired, how much money are you paying me?" Hmmmmm.....let me ponder that one for a moment.


5. "Yeah, I told my wife she better have dinner done and the house clean before I get home!" ....and your wife's cell phone number is what again?? Just want to verify the story...yeah, that's what I thought!


6. "What part of 'You aren't getting a relay so don't call back asking for one' did you not understand the first two times I told you?" LOVE IT! Just so you know, a relay is when a driver picks up a load from a shipper, but only takes it part ways to the delivery point. This was said by another Transportation Planner this week as I was walking by...I just smiled and kept on walking! :)


7. "I have dialed that number three times now and it's someone different every time...." <<click>> yeah, this was the response I heard before the gal actually hung up her phone. I didn't recognize the number, so when I answered the phone the first time, I answered the phone in a very thickSpanish accent :
   
   
   hhhhhhhalo!!!!....
   
   is (my name) there?
   
   no, deees eees Jose Jalapeno....
   
   OK sorry to have disturbed you
   
   hokey dokey adios!
   
   
   
   <<ring ring>>
   
   
   
   <<music blaring this time>>
   
   HELLO!!!
   
   is (my name) there?
   
   NAH MAN! YOU INTERRUPTED METALLICA FOR SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW?? YOU RUINED A
   GOOD SONG
   
   OK Sorry sir
   
   <<click>>
   
   
   
   <<ring ring>>
   
   
   
   <<professional serious tone>>
   
   Hello Police Athletic League
   
   Is (my name) there?
   
   Police Athletic League
   
   Is (my name) there?
   
   No, this is the Police Athletic League, how can I help you?
   
   Yes, I am trying to reach (my name). Is he there?
   
   No, I don't recognize the name, but if I see him I can pass him a message.
   
   OK, well tell him that (doctor's office) called and if he could call us back at (phone number here)
   
   Does he have a rash?
   
   Does he WHAT?
   
   Does he have a rash - I just need to know what to write on the note (now remember, I don't recognize the name, but I will pass him a message)
   
   Sir, we don't deal with rashes here
   
   Well, what should I tell him?
   
   Just tell him to call us
   
   In regards to what? I can't just tell him to call someone and nothing
   
   Well just tell him......(my home phone rings)
   
   Police Athletic League, can you hold while I try to get a very important message out of a gal from a doctor's office who isn't being real helpful .... OK you were saying?
   
   Did you know I heard you?
   
   You did? Sorry, just trying to take a message
   
   Just have (my name) call us at (phone number here) when he gets in.
   
   But I don't know who that is...do you know where he works?
   
   This isn't where he works??
   
   No, like I stated before, if I saw him I would pass a message, but I don't know who he is.
   
   <<silence>>
   
   OK well I have take this other call...thanks for calling the Police Athletic
   League
   
   
   I couldn't RESIST!!!


8. The other day at the grocery store:
   
   Sir, you are short (the guy was 5'1" if he was LUCKY!)
   
   Really, I thought there was something different about me today!


9. Scenario, following two ladies from the lunch room back to my desk, who is following another woman about 10 feet back. Woman one is 50 trying to be 25, and it isn't working....pants are so tight she's got dunlap disease (fat done lapped over her pants) and a shirt that is from a 70's garage sale. Woman two is about 45, about a size 24, and thinks that a size 14 would look GREAT on her...woman being watched is about 30, in a business suit (thin build, but rather blessed in her chest region) and looked very appropriate for a business setting. Woman being watched I see a lot, and her attire is usually business suits...but she doesn't have any where for the "girls" to hang, so they are prevalent, without being obnoxious like Beth Chapman's are (from Dog The Bounty Hunter - girlfriend needs to buy something her size!)
   
   Oh my god did you see what she had on?
   
   YES! She really needs to dress more professional
   
   I agree...this isn't the Broadway district (Hooker Heaven in Green Bay)
   
   I mean, she dresses so slutty! (OK, soooooooooo far from the truth....I detect a hint of jealousy)
   
   Yeah, we all know what she used to get a promotion (hmmm maybe she worked hard at her job?)
   
   Yeah, like they are real anyway (hey if milk does a body good, she's been drinking it by the gallon....not every large chested female is fake)
   
   <<I snickered...they realized I was close enough to hear everything....not
   another word was said>>


10. "...YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE CALLING HERE AFTER YOU ((had sexual relations)) WITH YOUR SISTER'S BEST FRIEND!!! WAS SHE GOOD? BETTER HAVE ENJOYED IT!!!! NOT LIKE YOUR GONNA SEE THIS ONE ANYTIME SOON!!!!!" ... yeah, right in the middle of work...nice eh? It would appear that his person's husband will be spending some quality time alone on his couch.


11. "Today, Sunny and highs about 81...tonight, mostly sunny, lows down to about 50, tomorrow, mostly cloudy just like today, highs around 86!" Now I am no meteorologist, but I since I am not in Alaska, I don't recall the sun being out at night. And if today is sunny, how can tomorrow be mostly cloudy, just like today? Did I miss somethihng?


12. "Someone call the bike-rack, cuz I'm fixin' to have to throw-down on someone..." -- there is an old saying, taking someone to the bike rack was a term meaning "I am gonna make them understand my point by the time I am done whoopin' up on them.....yeah, apparently now, you need a reservation! :)


13. "How long have you been here, because you act like you just started today" ...wow! Apparently, soon after, a reservation was made for the bike-rack LMAO

I sure hope you have liked my little diddies as much as I have this week. Enjoy and take care of yourselves and others.

J-Dawg

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who articipates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things.


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Thursday Thirteen for 8/10/06

I have to admit, this Thursday Thirteen is really addictive! Each week, I have like 3-5 thoughts running thru my mind as to what to write about or what bugs me, or what people don't know about me.... all sorts of things. So this week, I thought I would write about 13 things I loved about the 80's:

1. BILL COSBY! -- The man was THE man, myth, and legend of the 1980's. From his comedy routine, to The Cosby Show, he did it all, and he did it his way. His shows dealt with everyday issues, and in a family oriented way. And let us not forget, the Jell-O commercials!


2. REAL MUSIC! -- The 1980's was a decade of real music (ok....just hear me out here, K!) We got rid of disco, and brought in a new genre of music...electronic. There was also birth of the hair bands (got I miss the hair bands), and two very important people/groups -- Joe Satriani and Metallica. Now some of you I am sure have heard of Metallica, but for those who have never heard Joe Satriani, I highly recommend a visit to his site. There are downloadable songs there. I have every album. Each worth its weight in gold. Now about music from the 80's I am not a person who says NO SAMPLING, because as you also now, I like Eminem -- and he samples! I just don't like it when people burst onto the scene with a remade song, with crappy lyrics, and everyone goes "OH MY GOD THAT SONG WAS AWESOME!!!".....umm, no it wasn't sorry! When you can write your own music, let me know.


3. ATARI -- I remember my Atari 2600. If you don't know what an Atari 2600 is,
   go here and check it out. It was our PS2. We didn't have much in way of electronic games, but we did have ATARI!


4. MATTEL Hand Held Video Games -- These were the predecessors to what is now GameBoy. If you have never seen these, go here and check them out. We would play these for HOURS on end. At the bottom of the linked page is the main MATTEL page where you can see ALL of their hand held games


5. DUNGEON'S & DRAGONS -- You could talk about something like D&D and they weren't going to bring up Columbine right away...man I miss the good ol' days.


6. RUBIK's CUBE -- A Game that made you think, and figure something out on your own, without "google"-ing for the answer. SHOCKING! Again, if you have never seen a Rubik's Cube, go here.


7. PORKY'S -- Now a days, you have the American Pie movies. Back in the 1980's we had Porky's. For all of you who remember, this movie brought one of stars of Sex & The City to the limelight. In the movie she is Miss Honeywell...you may know her as Kim Cattrall.


8. MTV -- The MUSIC TELEVISION NETWORK -- Imagine, a network that was devoted to showing music videos 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with VDJ's, interviews, music news, and more. It's a shame that MTV could only dig up 8 hours of it's original programming for the momentous occasion. Now, if you do see a video, it is so edited for language and stuff being blurred off hats, shirts, etc, its not even worth watching.


9. MANNERS -- Its a simple thing. People treated other people with respect. Maybe its just me, but I would never act towards my parents the way some kids do today...would be unheard of. Along with that goes respect. Nobody owes you anything. So don't act like we do


10. HALLOWEEN -- It was about scary costumes and loads of candy. Now it's about going through the candy to make sure there are no needles or razors in there, and costumes that resemble everyday wear. And now, you do it during the daytime. We have Halloween between 2-4 the Sunday before Halloween (or OF Halloween if it is on a Sunday)....WTF!


11. По-русски -- Now you may be thinking to yourself - what in the world is that -- Its a link - you can click on it. The first one of these went into Russia in January 1990 - so it was close! Close enough for me. All I remember was that day, the streets in Moscow were flooded in red and yellow for this stuff.


12. MICHAEL JACKSON -- People don't believe me, but HE'S BLACK! SHOCKING! Look for yourself! :) Not crazy about the person, but the musician, he is very talented.


13. Open windows and unlocked doors - your house, your car, and your belongs were not hidden, or locked down behind Fort Knox-type security measures. Such is life. Those that want, will take from those that have...and thus, the vicious cycle begins.

OK, so I got long-winded :) I just started rambling and here we are. Enjoy the rest of your week.

J-Dawg

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things.

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Open to suggestions (or pro-bono work)

BLOG IN NEED OF MAKEOVER

You can call this what you wish - a cry for help, a begging from the blogging community, a wish for a charitable contribution, whatever. I like my blog's layout -- it looks good, but it doesnt look GREAT! I am looking for ANYONE who is willing to give my blog a makeover...

To give you an idea what I am looking for, I would love to have a sports theme...I love baseball and football and NASCAR
I would love to be able to have a picture frame somewhere in the frame to put a recent picture of my kids
I would like something .... awww heck! anything that isnt on the TEMPLATE tab of blogspot LOL

Is that asking for too much?

If I knew more about HTML (I know so little, what little I know is scary!) I would just do it myself...hence my cry for help!

Maybe this will be my motivation to learn HTML....

If you are interested let me know!

J-Dawg

Thursday Thirteen 08/03/06

Hello and welcome back for another dose of the Thursday Thirteen. This week's
edition deal's with movie quotes I like. I tried to do this the other day, but
for some reason, couldn't get the formatting the way I wanted.....so here I am,
back trying this again, and I HOPE it formats the way I like. So here goes -- my
13 memorable movie quotes:

1. Office Space
   
   BOB SLYDELL: What would you say ya do here?
   
   TOM SMYKOWSKI: Well look, I already told you! I deal with the goddamn
   customers so the engineers don't have to! I have people skills! I am good at
   dealing with people! Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with
   you people?


2. Napoleon Dynamite
   
   Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with
   babes, all day. Besides, we both know I'm training to become a cage fighter.
   
   
   Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
   


3. Remember the Titans
   
   Coach Boone: If you miss a blocking assignment, you will run a mile. If
   you drop a pass, you will run a mile. If you fumble this ball, I will
   break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts ... and THEN you will run a
   mile!


4. Fargo
   
   MARGE: Yah. And I'll tell you what, from his footprints he looks like a
   big fella -
   
   (Marge suddenly doubles over, putting her head between her knees down near
   the snow.)
   
   LOU: Ya see something down there, Chief?
   
   MARGE: Uh - I just, I think I'm gonna barf.
   
   LOU: Geez, you okay, Margie?
   
   MARGE: I'm fine - it's just morning sickness.
   
   (She gets up, sweeping snow from her knees.)
   
   MARGE: ... Well, that passed.
   
   LOU: Yah?
   
   MARGE: Yah. Now I'm hungry again.


5. Shrek 2
   
   DONKEY: Oh, no, no. I don't think so. If there'll be any animal testing,
   I'll do it. That's the best friend's job. Now give me that bottle.
   
   SHREK: How do you feel?
   
   DONKEY: I don't feel any different. I look any different?
   
   PUSS-IN-BOOTS: You still look like an ass to me.


6. Monty Python & The Holy Grail
   
   [clop clop clop]
   
   KING ARTHUR: Whoa there!
   
   [clop clop clop]
   
   SOLDIER #1: Halt! Who goes there?
   
   ARTHUR: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot.
   King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!
   
   SOLDIER #1: Pull the other one!
   
   ARTHUR: I am,... and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the
   length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my
   court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
   
   SOLDIER #1: What? Ridden on a horse?
   
   ARTHUR: Yes!
   
   SOLDIER #1: You're using coconuts!
   
   ARTHUR: What?
   
   SOLDIER #1: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em
   together.
   
   ARTHUR: So?


7. A League Of Their Own
   
   MAE MORDABITO: What if at a key moment in the game my, my uniform bursts
   open and, uh, oops!, my bosoms come flying out? That, that might draw a
   crowd, right?
   
   DORIS MURPHY: You think there are men in this country who ain't seen your
   bosoms?


8. Ace Ventura - Pet Detective
   
   LOIS: How would you like it if I made your life a living hell?
   
   ACE: Well, Lois, I'm not quite ready for a relationship right now, but maybe
   I'll give you a call sometime. Your number still 911?


9. Austin Powers - International Man Of Mystery
   
   AUSTIN: As long as people are still having premarital sex with many
   anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding
   drugs in a consequence free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!


10. Scarface
    
    TONY MONTAŃA: You wanna waste my time? Okay. I call my lawyer. He's the
    best lawyer in Miami. He's such a good lawyer, that by tomorrow morning, you
    gonna be working in Alaska. So dress warm


11. The Birdcage
    
    ALBERT: I was adorable once. Young and full of hope. Now, look at me. I'm
    a short, fat, insecure, middle aged thing!
    
    ARMAND: I made you short?


12. What About Bob?
    
    BOB: Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am
    I


13. Office Space (Beginning and Ending with my favorite
    movie)
    
    SAMIR: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not
    that hard: Na-ee-ana-jaad. Nayanajaad.
    
    MICHAEL BOLTON: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
    
    SAMIR: You know there's nothing wrong with that name.
    
    MICHAEL BOLTON: There was nothing wrong with it... until that no-talent ass
    clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
    
    SAMIR: Hmm... well why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
    
    MICHAEL BOLTON: No way! Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.
    

I hope you have enjoyed this as much as I have -- there are SO many good movies out there - these are just SOME of my favorite quotes :)
Enjoy and have a wonderful week!

J-Dawg

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things.

View
More Thursday Thirteen Participants