New Banner

Just something quick -- thougth I would display some of the states I have called home :)

The pot calling the kettle black

Its funny when you think you have the power and determination to take on the world, sometimes you find out you cant even take on yourself. I have been dealing with that struggle for some time now. Today was one of those days.

Today would have been 7 years for me. 7 years married to someone I trusted. 7 years married to someone I loved. 7 years married to someone who I thought loved me too. Honestly, at this moment in time, it doesn't even matter any more. Those days are behind me.

All day I never even gave a 2nd thought to what today's date was. It wasn't until tonight while talking to a friend of mine that it dawned on me. At that one moment, I had that feeling of failure ... that feeling of self doubt and the the 100 "what-if" questions. I simply wasnt going to measure up to whatever it was she was looking for. No matter how hard I tried, it would never be enough.

So tonight, I tried to act like it didnt phase me --- the facade of the happy person when inside at that one moment, I was hurting. At that same moment, I was taken back to a conversation just yesterday with a friend of mine in which I said "...be true to yourself. I would rather be true to myself and miserable / blue / off / lethargic or whatever, than not true to myself, and wearing a happy façade knowing I am not happy at all." How dare I?! Here I am not even 24 hours later not being true to myself.

SO I picked my sorry butt up off the couch, and grabbed a card that my girl sent me for Sweetest Day...and that moment of my hurting went away, and that moment of my fake happiness was replaced by true happiness. Knowing that someone was out there thinking of me, and wanting to be with me, made that one moment disappear. I am in a much happier place. I am in a place where bad days are OK...little things matter and dont go unnoticed...I dont have to be someone I am not...I am loved for who I am...and that makes all the difference in the world!

When you are true to yourself, others will be too...you will be surprised who is standing there. When you are genuine, people may let you in to their circle of trust, where others may not be as fortunate.

J-Dawg

30 Days

I have been taking time away from here, for multiple reasons. First and foremost, for me. I have gone from wanting to write, to lately feeling like I need to write - like it is a chore. I never wanted this to be a chore, or something that I just HAD to do. I wanted this to be something I enjoyed. So the time away was good for me. 30 Days to be exact.

I have been taking time for me. I have taken time with my kids. I have taken time to have fun in life, and have a vacation of my own. I have taken time to love myself again, and in the process be loved back. I learned that you can't love anyone else until you learn to love yourself.

I have been busy with work, with new processes, and new challenges. Too bad, with all of this, there wasn't new money, but oh well! You can't have everything :)

I am very happy where I am with my life right now. I have my kids. I have a job that I like. I have someone who means alot to me, and I have been able, through all of this, to find the old me again. The Me that is fun-loving, happy, and ready to take on the world again. I thought I had lost the ability to love, the ability to live life to its fullest, and the ability to be happy.

I had just temporarily misplaced it.

So after much consideration about what to do with this place I call my internet home, I have made the decision to keep it up. I had been contemplating whether or not to take it down, but the only person I would be hurting would be myself. I would have no outlet for what is on my mind...well, I shouldnt say NO outlet, but you know what I mean. Plus, where would you go to find out that Dawn was probably having a coronary on the West Coast while her beloved Red Sox lost a 3-game series sweep at the hands of Satan's Minions/The Evil Empire/The Damn Yankees.

So with all of that being said, for those who have missed this little escape over here, I look forward to seeing you return here. For those that have never been here before, and you just stumbled onto this little neck of the woods, grab your helmet! :)

Have a wonderful Labor Day Weekend!

J-Dawg

Loaded questions

I found this a few weeks back -- thought I would give it another shot:

Hypotheticals: If you were a nationality other than your own, which would you choose, why?
I would say Italian. That way, if the Sopranos ever came calling, I would be ready :)

Anything Goes: What is the most beautiful word you can think of?
KISMET (see this post to find out why)

No-Brainers: What two people would you most like to stand next to in a picture?
Joe Satriani and Lars Ulrich

Personals: What beverage do you find nauseating?
Grape soda, or anything made with tequilla -- I prefer my friends Jack and Jim from Tennessee thank you very much!

J-Dawg

Thursday Thirteen -- 08/02/07

Hello! Welcome to another edition of my Thursday 13 -- I have NO idea where my summer has gone. I have been so busy, I remember to do my Thursday 13 -- ON SUNDAY!!! So without further ado, I present to you 13 of my favorite quips/quotes/passages that I have found recently. Each of these has been a direct result of an inspiration:

1. "Life isn’t about the number of breaths you take; it’s the moments that take your breath away." ~From the movie Hitch
2. “The truest thing I know about relationships is that sometimes we don’t know anything at all. You can’t always get the one you want, and sometimes the one you get may not be the right one at all. But if you have hope, the universe has a funny way of showing exactly what you need. The challenge is to let yourself be alone til the right one shows up. But you can’t hide either. Heartbreak sucks. But not having heartbreak sucks more. The answers aren’t in a lecture or a book. But maybe if you get yourself happy, you’ll find the right one. I believe this, because I’m still an optimist. That’s the thing about love. If it were easy, everyone would have it.” ~From the show Men In Trees
3. "Life is a pure flame, and we live by an invisible sun within us." ~Sir Thomas Browne
4. "Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake."-Henry David Thoreau
5. "I'd like to be the sort of friend that you have been to me. I'd like to be the help that you've been always glad to be; I'd like to mean as much to you each minute of the day, as you have meant to me along the way." - Edgar A. Guest
6. "A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, but touches your heart." ~Kathleen Grove
7. “The language of friendship is not words, but meanings.” ~Henry David Thoreau
8. “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” ~Leo Buscaqlia
9. “So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not the part of it.” ~Jiddu Krishnamurti
10. “Care is the ingredient that keeps true friendships alive despite separation, distance, or time.” ~Sara Paddison
11. "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. " ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
12. “If I had a star for every time you made me smile, I’d have a whole night’s sky in the palm of my hands.” ~Author unknown
13. "What your heart thinks is great, is great. The soul's emphasis is always right." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know there were a couple repeats in there, but each of these passages has a special meaning for me. I hope these passages find as much meaning for you as they do me :) Have a wonderful week everyone!

J-Dawg

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of this is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things.

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

#13 explained

It was the Spring of 1989, my senior year in high school. Unlike many people, I would never want to relive my senior year of high school. There were so many things that happened between the end of my junior year, and the summer after my senior year of high school that I would just as soon forget. In that time frame, I lost 6 friends of mine. One was two weeks before graduation. Two were in a vehicle I could have and/or should have been in. This is where the story goes.

In high school, I worked at Wal-Mart because it was THE place to work. Our town was only 30,000 people, but unless you have ever lived in New Mexico, you dont understand that in a town that size, everybody still knows everybody. One night, I had gotten off work early, and decided to stop at the little pizza joint on my way home. It was great -- you could get a slice (of pizza) and a Slice (soda) for $2. What a deal! As I am sitting there, 3 friends of mine rolled up and asked if I wanted to go cruising. After debating whether or not I should go, I decided to go home and study. Yeah me - giving up a night cruising around Carlsbad, and instead go home and study. It is a decision that to this day haunts me. At this point, its about 9pm.

Just after Steve, Tommy, and Chad left the pizza place, they picked up a 4th person and decided to cruise the town. At some point that evening, alcohol was introduced to the mix. One thing leads to another, and at approximately 1145pm that evening, Steve rolled his jeep, killing himself, and Tommy (2 days later) and seriously injuring the other two. I cant say for sure, but chances were pretty good I would have been sitting in the seat that Tommy was sitting in.

To this day, I am thankful to be here. Some days are harder than others, but still thankful that I made the decision I did. At 17...I would like to think once alcohol was introduced I would have left the vehicle...I am sure my closest friends would also back me up on this. Its just sad at times to think back and wonder what if. I would have missed out on so much. Maybe that is why it hurts so much sometimes. To Billy, Natalie, Tommy, Steve...

J-Dawg

P.S. Do you think it is weird I am writing about #13 on Friday the 13th?

A Look Back at the First Half

I dont think I could have said it any better (courtesy of orioles.mlb.com)

The Orioles' streak of losing seasons -- which stands at nine and counting -- appears to be in no danger of ending this season. The Orioles slogged through an injury-riddled first half of the season that saw three starting pitchers and indestructible shortstop Miguel Tejada hit the disabled list for extended periods of time.

Manager Sam Perlozzo lost his job as a direct result of the team's ailments and its inabilty to play consistent baseball, and the Orioles will make finding a new field boss a priority in the second half. Interim manager Dave Trembley has shaken things up as far as Baltimore's pregame preparation and will likely lead the team through July.

The team's real problem -- beyond injuries to Adam Loewen, Kris Benson and Jaret Wright -- has been an inability to hit for power. Tejada's power stroke seems to be fading, and offseason acquisition Aubrey Huff has struggled to find his power stroke. Baltimore ranks near the bottom of the league's home run chart and plays in an unforgiving division.

If the Orioles are able to turn things around, they'll need more consistent work from their bullpen and continued excellence from their starting rotation. Tejada will have to return from his fractured left radius and play like he did last season. Huff, Jay Gibbons, Kevin Millar and company will need to hit better to keep Baltimore from making it 10 straight seasons with a losing record.

Club MVP: Brian Roberts has been the team's most consistent offensive threat this season, unseating usual suspect Tejada. Roberts ranks first among American League second baseman in on-base percentage and second in both slugging and batting average. As if that's not enough, he's leading all AL players with 25 stolen bases.

Call him 'Ace': With all due respect to Jeremy Guthrie -- one of the biggest surprises in the league -- Erik Bedard remains Baltimore's staff ace. The southpaw has rebounded from a shaky April and currently leads the Major Leagues in strikeouts. Bedard turned in one of the best outings in club history last Saturday, tying an O's record with 15 strikeouts while facing the minimum 27 batters in a 3-0 victory over the Rangers. Bedard allowed just two singles and walked none.

Greatest strength: Baltimore's rotation has been solid, despite injuries to Benson, Wright and Loewen. Guthrie and Brian Burres are the biggest reasons, but Bedard has pitched up to expectations. If Daniel Cabrera can make some strides in the second half, the Orioles will go into the offseason with one of the most intriguing rotations in the league.

Biggest problem: The Orioles haven't hit for much power, which can be an absolute death sentence in the AL East. With Tejada injured, Huff and Melvin Mora are forced to shoulder more of the slugging load. Gibbons struggled to find his stroke for most of the first half and has played his way into a vastly reduced role.

Biggest surprise: Guthrie came out of nowhere to establish himself as a surprise candidate for the All-Star Game. He may not have received a berth on the team, but he's more than pitched well enough to remain in Baltimore's future plans. Guthrie, who arrived as a waiver claim from Cleveland, will be under contractual control for the next five seasons.

Team needs: Baltimore needs a big bat at either first base or an outfield corner, and it also needs more production from its designated hitter. The bullpen has performed as good as expected, but closer Chris Ray has been a disappointment.

He said it: "You just want to see the energy level as high as it possibly can be. You want to see guys have enthusiasm and effort. You'd like to see us get better." -- Andy MacPhail, Orioles' president of baseball operations, on what he'd like to see in the second half

They think the Orioles will have a winning 2nd half record - I think we will finish dead last. How pathetic is that...to finish worse than the DevilRays. Oh how I wish for days of old...Cal us old-time fans really miss you!

J-Dawg