Hello everyone :) Welcome to my latest edition of the Thursday 13. A prelude before my TT13 thought.
I have had a 2-week hiatus mainly because of some issues I am dealing with. Part of which is what I am going to write about. For those who have been reading for awhile, you know that there have been a couple writings over the years dealing with personal issues, depression, weight problems. Recent events in my life had led me down these same paths, and the last couple of days I have felt like that giant run-away bowling ball, with nothing stopping it. Hence the hiatus two weeks ago. Last week, I just got busy with work and stuff...just didnt get a chance to do anything. It was probably a good thing. Working took my mind away from what has been on my mind. But it leads me to the avoidance piece. Avoid it long enough, maybe it will go away....it doesnt, but it was worth a shot.
So here are 13 things I would like to change (or are attempting to change) about myself - in no particular order:
- My weight is still a struggle -- it comes and it goes and then it comes back again. This is not a new struggle. Just a struggle I cant seem to conquer.
- My "everything is OK" facade -- There are days when everything is NOT OK...and I need to deal with those and stop acting like everything IS OK
- My CD collection is all out of sorts. I started to organize them, and now I just need to finish that and get my collection on my server. I made a dent - I have about 20% (over 9000 songs) on there, tagged, and organized....I am getting there :)
- DVD Collection -- see above, just nowhere NEAR 9000...more like 90 but I need to catalog and organize it
- Let go of the past - Its over and done with -- move on!
- Express true feelings without inhibition. Sometimes, I dont go as far as I would like to when I write. I stop mid-feeling...maybe from an inhibition or fear of rejection from my peers? who knows :)
- Exercise - See #1 -- I need to get into a regiment of exercise regularly. I start then I stop then I start again, then I stop again
- You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. I need to find how to love myself again. To quote the great Righteous Brothers, I lost that loving feeling.
- Since moving to Wisconsin I have also not found a church...I miss going to church.
- Explore Wisconsin. There are so many parts of this state I have never seen.
- Relax - I need to find some "ME" time. If you dont take time for yourself, you really should!
- Some friends have asked for some music - I am actually going to get around to sending them out :) So its been since Christmas - I'm getting there!
- Complete closet cleaning -- time to empty them out and redo them
Have a great week everyone!
J-Dawg
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3 comments:
2. i do the same thing. or i did & still do to some extent. i may keep on the shiny happy face for most people, but i have a select few i can trust, who i will be "not ok" with & that really helps. if you don't let out the "not ok" somewhere, it just grows & festers.
5. that's a tough one. sometimes you let things go, just to find they aren't ready to let go of you quite yet. don't try to force it. there's a difference between the normal grieving process & dwelling on something. i've finally learned to distinguish one from the other in myself.
6. start small. write it all out, without rereading or proofreading (in college, we called it stream of consciousness writing), but just save it as a draft. when you feel a little more brave, share it with just a person or two. then try publishing it, but turn off the ability to leave comments. take it step bp step & build up to actually writing it, publishing it, and leaving the comments on. making the real you vulnerable is scary. especially when you've been stomped on in the past.
7. my rule when trying to incorprate something new into my daily routine? 21 days does a habit make. it's in all the women's magazines, but i think it's really true. if you can get yourself through 21 days, it starts to feel like it belongs in your day, and you actually miss it when it's gone. and if you reach a day during your week that exercising just feels like way too much, especially early on, do something else active during that time slot in the day, even if it's just a walk outside.
8. no words of wisdom here. not yet. i am a work in progress.
9. i cannot believe what a huge sense of peace & relief this brought me when i finally found my new church home in FL. i had really struggled with it. they don't do things *exactly* like my church back in CT, but it's growing on me.
11. people always think i am crazy for going to WDW alone (lol - crazy that i can consider it alone time when i am in a crowd that large huh?), but it soothes me, no matter how rattled, stressed, confused, sad or lonely i am before i get there. i am starting to think it is chemically impossible for me to not be happy there. there is definitely something to be said for spending time just for you, as much as there is a great importance to just do nothing sometimes. so many people say it's a waste of time, when they have so much to do, but i don't see how recharging yourself is a waste of anything, and maybe if we didn't wear ourselves so ragged & thin, we would get more off that to do list when we try to tackle it, because we've allowed ourselves to become re-energized & refreshed.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Huggles
I have been away too..
I hope that you will reach all the goals on your list...
Happy TT'ing..
Mine is up too.
Okay...just wrote a blog about nothing to write about lately. At least you wrote a Thursday Thirteen! I'm with you on many of these! One big achievement is that you wrote them down. Now, just take them one day at a time!
Take care!
sobeit!
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