Hey there buddy
You and I
have been friends for over 25 years. We have had a lot of good times together.
From swim parties, your wedding, my wedding, and subsequent calls relating to
said events. We’ve had many chats over women, life in general, football,
baseball, and just about everything else. When I first met your wife, I knew
you had a keeper. Instantly I knew you two had something special.
Its not
often I let out my most personal feelings. I have let some out, but nothing deep
down where the dark creatures live. For the last year or so, I have had a deep
rooted jealousy for the life you have for yourself. You have been able to
establish yourself back in California, have acquired a great group of people to
surround yourself with. You have a great job, great relationship with your now
wife, and have been able to regroup from a couple years of what could only be
described as hell.
It is
that same hell, that I also went thru. However, I have not been able to have
the same level of success or recovery as you. In fact, my recovery has pretty
much been flat line. I have been set back with a job loss, a relationship that
failed, a move that cost me more than monetary repentance, and not to mention
my kids being far away. I have nobody here. No friends to speak of, a
relationship that hasn’t been one in 6 months, and that lonely secluded feeling
every day.
I have no
reason to be jealous. Friends like us shouldn’t be jealous. We should be happy
for all of our accomplishments. Don’t misunderstand me – I am very happy for
everything you have. I just wish for as hard as I work, I wish I had something
to show for it besides an apartment I hate, and $0 balance in my checkbook at
the end of every month.
This is
probably the hardest letter I have ever had to write in my life. How do you
tell your best friend everything I just said? I have looked at every aspect of
my life, and constantly question what I have done to deserve this? This is no
life…this is merely an existence filling a void. I don’t know really why I am
writing this. Maybe it is to get whatever it is in my head out on “paper”, or
if it is a ways to a mean of coping.
Love ya
bro, regardless of whatever feeling you may have after reading all this…
J
J-Dawg
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