The Letter "D"

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Dawn had a post giving eveyone a letter, and then you have to write 10 things you like about that letter. So she gave me the letter "D" so here goes my 10.

D

1. Dawn -- Might as well start off by thanking her for this great idea and allowing me to participate. Its funny, you meet someone by clicking, then clicking, then clicking, and somewhere thru all the clicking, you end of on their website. Its been fun getting to know her, and see all the fun and interesting things she likes/dislikes and her photography is awesome! I am so jealous! So here's to you Dawn! :)

2. DVD -- Ever since I got my first DVD player, I think I have watched one or two movies in the primative viewing format (VHS)...I love my DVDs...and love having my DVD burners on my computers

3. Delivery -- Yeah, love my China Wok delivery - they are so cheap. They even give lunch specials during dinner time!

4. DOT -- Most of you are probably saying "What is DOT?" Its actually Dee-Oh-Tee, or Department of Transportation, which is the governing body of everything I do with my job. There is a huge misconception with DOT, and a stigma that they dont keep the motoring public safe. On the contrary. More than 75% of truck accidents are caused by the actions of 4-wheelers (regular cars/trucks) so remember this: everything you touch, everything you purchase, it got there by a truck driver, and they are goverened by DOT (click here for data source). This from a former truck driver, who is responsible for dispatching 171 of his own drivers.

5. DJ -- As a DJ, I have been able to build quite a library of music (all legally THANK YOU!) LOL And the people's lives I have been able to be apart of has been awesome!

6. De Pere -- The actual suburb I live in. Its a great little community. Very quiet, very quaint, and I like it here.

7. D'Onofrio -- Vincent D'Onofrio is a great actor! One of his most memorable films was also one of his first, as Pvt. Pyle in Full Metal Jacket which I FINALLY got to see for the first time on New Years Day...classic!

8. Digital Camera - I like my digital camera, but hopefully I will be able to get a nicer one this year. This year I want to upgrade to the Canon XTi Digital Camera, this way I can use the same telephoto lenses between my Canon Ti 35MM film camera. I am really getting back into photography, and alot more since I got my Canon A540. Like the camera, but wanta a nicer one.

9. Dream Theater - For those of you who like to expand your musical horizons, check out Dream Theater. They have been (for the most part) off the radar, but a phenomial band none-the-less. They have a cult-like following, from those who discover them, and look forward to every one of their albums. You will not be disappointed. Here is (what I feel) is one of their best songs, of many. This is Pull Me Under from Dream Theater off their album Images and Words. Enjoy!

10. I save the best for last. -- DADDY! I love being a father to my children. I love being involved in my kid's lives. I know my family is upset with me because I dont send out pictures every week, but I am doing the best I can. I will do better in 2009 getting pictures out there for everyone to see.

OK There is my 10! Enjoy!

Take Care
J

How to Walk Away

"There you were, deeply involved in a relationship. It may have been stormy or you may have thought everything was running smoothly. Then it happened: Your significant other no longer wanted to be your significant other. This scenario happens almost every moment of every day, but when it happens to you, your whole world can focus on this. Many people that do not want the relationship to end will go into a panic to keep the relationship alive. Most of these attempts are in vain. When a relationship ends, it can be a heartbreaking, emotionally crippling time, and there are strategies you can implement to learn to let it go.

It is important to understand that as much as you may wish, you simply cannot control another person’s thoughts or feelings. Even if you feel they are unjustly ending the relationship or you do not see any logic in their choice, they possess the freewill to do with their life as they wish. It is sometimes enormously painful to accept this fact, especially if you feel you have given so much of yourself to this other person. When they choose to walk away from you, you may feel a very strong craving to stop the progress of their actions. When feeling that you deserve something from this person, it can cause you to behave in very improper way. This behavior is detrimental to your emotional wellbeing.

There is no debate regarding the poignant pain that is involved in a breakup or divorce. There is not a magic way to completely stop the misery you will feel from the loss of this person. However, there is a way to control these feelings. No amount of pleading, begging or bribery can change how a person feels about you. Once you accept this fact, you can then move on to take actions to behave dignified and accept the end of the relationship with your esteem intact.

If the following sounds familiar, you have not learned the art of letting go. When faced with the end of a relationship, have you called that person endlessly will pleas to be reunited? Have you contacted the other person and promised to change your behavior to better accommodate their needs? Have you attempted repeatedly to question them as to why they are choosing to leave you? All of these are clear-cut signs that you have a difficult time letting a dead relationship go. All of these signs only make the situation worse for you.

When pleading with another person to “begin loving you again”, you are setting yourself up for disaster. You cannot talk someone into loving you. You may be a wonderful, caring, kind and compassionate person, however if someone who was in your life does not feel they want continue the relationship, you cannot force them. You already must deal with the loss of the relationship. Love is a choice of freewill. To beg, plead or otherwise, will only lead to feeling defeated once again.

It is exceedingly difficult indeed, to control the desire to reach out to the person who left you. When you are so used to conversations with them or seeing this person everyday, it will throw your world upside-down when you must deal with a sudden end of communication and a physical connection. Realizing that calling the person, trying to “accidentally run into them” or other means of contact is futile, you must learn to distance yourself. This must be done in the name of self-respect.

If you can be emotionally strong enough to know that nothing you do can bring this person back to you, you can leave with dignity. If you harass this person, in an attempt to reunite, added suffering is imminent. It can be so frustrating to plead, beg and try to persuade someone and have him or her repeatedly reject you. The best road to take is one of complete and utter non-communication. Once knowing you do not possess the power to control their feelings and actions, control your behavior. You will have moments of weakness and there are steps you can take to overcome these.

Resist the urge to “show up accidentally” in places that you know you will run into them. You may think it is a great idea to spend hours making yourself look fantastic and then going to a restaurant, bar or otherwise that the person frequents. Your plan will be to show them how wonderful you look and they will regret their mistake of leaving you. Your plan will actually make the other person fully aware of your plan, and they will think your plan is pitiable. Whatever reason they had for leaving the relationship, whether unfounded or not, will remain intact. Flaunting yourself in front of them is akin to screaming out, “Look at me! Why do you not want me?”. Do you really want to seem that deprived?

Do everything possible to stop yourself from calling them on the telephone. Delete their number from your cell phone. Another good option is to leave their number, but to change their contact name to something along the lines of, “No! He/she treated me horribly”. This is a good strategy to prevent you from calling them, in the moments that you are feeling weak. You can also tape a note to your home phones. One suggestion is to write something such as, “Do not call him/her, they broke your heart and you will look like a fool if you keep calling!”. These may sound rather silly now, but when in a state of a broken heart, it is common to act irrationally and these tips can stop your foolish behavior.

If you are used to instant messaging with this other person, and you wish to leave your messenger intact on your computer for messaging with others, there are several options. Firstly, you should opt to create a new user name and inform only your friends, family and others that you do wish to communicate with of your new name. If you choose to keep your user name, obviously, you should delete your ex’s name off your list. If you are not emotionally strong enough to do so yet, you should at least opt to change their contact name, so that their name will show as “Ex- do not IM him/her!” or anything that will prompt you to not contact them.

You may feel a very strong urge to leave phone messages, or offline instant messages to the other person who left the relationship. You may feel you have an endless array of things to say to this person. Alternatively, you may feel you must get the last word in, but it never ends there. If you allow yourself to leave these messages, you will always find something new to add. The other person is most probably ignoring or deleting your messages, it will not bring them back to you, and all of your efforts will be in vain. Once you have implemented the means to prevent yourself from contacting them, do realize this: As absurd as it sounds at the moment, as much as your heart is aching, as much as you feel you were unfairly treated, as much as you feel you know you were the “best thing to ever happen” to them, time will change your feelings.

It is one of the most frequently used clichés when a relationship ends; however, time does heal all wounds. When using the term “heal” this does not mean that you forget this person forever. It does not mean that you will live the rest of your life without this person’s name or image appearing in your mind. It does mean that given a certain amount of time, the image and memories of this person will fade.

If you follow these guidelines to end the relationship quickly and not drag the breakup into a long process, there will be a day, not too far in the future, that you realize this person was not the right one for you. You desire a good person, someone who cares for you unconditionally, someone to support your decisions, and someone to walk through life with. If this person leaves you, heartbroken and alone, they are proving they possess none of the qualities that you were looking for in a mate. You may feel misled, lied to, or tricked. The reality remains that they ultimately did not measure up to having the qualities needed in a relationship with you.

At one time or another we have all wished we had the power to make someone loves us. We have prayed for their return. We have deprived ourselves from sleep while pondering what we could have done to stop them from leaving. We have spent endless hours wondering how they could leave us. In the end, all of that time spent is needlessly, we will never obtain the answers. Only one fact remains: Everyone has freewill to do as they wish. When a person leaves you, learn to let it go." © Alisa Chagon

I found this -- and sometimes, you read things a couple of times and it still doesnt set in. You think you got it all figured out, and come to find out, you really dont. You have no power to influence, you have no power to bridge the gap. It is totally out of your control, so no matter how hard you try to influence, or show how much that person means to you and your life, they decide this relationship isnt what them want. Their words to you are "I dont know what I want" so for the last year, what did you want? Yeah, we have had ups and downs, like every relationship. What made you decide, out of the blue, you dont know what you want, but you know this isnt it? So this has been my dilema for over 4 months now. How does someone walk away from another person, who shows them all the love in the world, puts them on a pedestal, treats them like the center of attention, and in a snap of a finger...they dont want it anymore. They say they love you, but how do you believe that when they decide to walk away? The feelings I have for this person havent gone away. I still love this person more than anything, and would again put this person on high...how do I move beyond that? I said from the very first moment we went into this relationship that having her in my life as a friend was more than not having her in my life at all.

If someone has the answers let me know. I cant seem to find them.

J

4 Years ago

4 years ago today, this world lost a very talented, and absolutely awesome musician. Darrell Abbott, for those who followed him, knew him as Diamond, then Dimebag, was killed 4 years ago today, in Columbus OH at the Alrosa Villa. He, and his brother, drummer Vinnie Paul Abbott, formed the band Pantera. From the moment I heard Pantera for the first time, I was immediately hooked on their raw, gritty, guitar-riffed heavy songs...the more I listened, the more I liked. From songs like Walk, Cowboys From Hell, I'm Broken, 5 Minutes Alone, and their phenominal remake of Planet Caravan, this group will forever be known for thei revolutionization of heavy metal. At a time when grunge was the way, they showed the grittier the music, the better.

I found Pantera back in 1990-ish, when Cowboys From Hell was released. I still to this day have the casette tape!

I will remember the day I found out about it. I was sitting at work, and the phone rings, and it is my sister. Now, we talk alot, even to this day, but during work hours, alot of times its via email. So it was kind of odd for her to call me at work. I asked her if everything was OK. She said yes, she then asked if I had heard...heard what? I asked. She told me Dime had been shot and killed the night before. She knew how much I loved Pantera. I was in total shock. At first I am thinking "Shot - HOW? Where?" So I had to go find out...so i researched, and immediately went into a semi-rage! HOW COULD HE!!! NATHAN GALE YOU COWARD SON OF A BITCH!!! Officer Niggemeyer that night put a shotgun blast to your face. You earned every pellet that shotgun blasted that night...

Society has come to this? We dont like the actions (or more to the point UNDERSTAND) of others, so we kill them? Wear a Dodger's hat in the wrong part of LA they shoot people? Wear a Saints jersey to work (the day AFTER they pulverize the Packers!) and people scowl like **I** had something to do with the lack of effort (and play calling) from the Packers, causing the loss? Its just sick.

Darrell did not have to die that night. With him, died a legend, a musician, that cannot be replaced.

RIP Darrell - you are missed

Fatal Rollover - Donner Pass Sept '08

Recently a video has been circulating around the internet about a fatal rollover in Donner's Pass in California. For those of you who are not familiar with Donner's Pass click here. For those who have driven through there, for a truck driver, this is one of the toughest stretches of highway anyone will ever drive. Recently there was a pretty bad accident, which was captured by a stationary camera in another semi. Contrary to the article below, it was not captured by a Wal-Mart driver, it was by a driver from CR England.

Fatality rollover on Donner Pass In Ca
Thursday, September 18, 2008
News: Big Rig rollover captured on video Footage of a double fatal big rig accident which Cal Fire crews worked Monday near Colfax captured by Wal Mart truck on-board video recorder...

By Jenna Nielsen, Journal Staff Writer

The body of a co-driver was extricated this morning by Cal Fire crews at the scene of Monday's big rig rollover crash near Colfax.The body of a second man was found underneath debris Tuesday morning at the accident site of a big rig rollover near Colfax Monday, officials reported.

The man, whose name is not being released pending notification of his family, was reportedly a passenger in the big rig, which rolled into a guard rail spilling its load of recylced plastic down the embankment near the Magra Road exit on westbound Interstate 80, California Highway Patrol officials reported.The driver, who was trapped inside of the trucks cab and was also killed in the accident, was reportedly going 70 mph and passing another truck in the fast lane when he lost control and slid down an embankment, said CHP Officer Rich Ruiz.

This morning, as the investigator was going over log books, (it was) determined there was possi-bly a co-driver involved, Ruiz said. Ruiz said investigators also have video footage of the accident, recorded by a device on a Wal-Mart truck, which the driver of the big rig was passing at the time of the accident.The driver of the WalMart truck was doing 55 mph, so we estimate the driver (of the big rig) was going 70 mph when he approached a curve and lost control.

You see in the video the trailer starts to fishtail. When the driver tries to correct, he is sent over the guardrail.Battalion Chief Jeff Brand of Cal Fire said crews located the co-driver under the debris and extricated him this morning. Brand said when the truck was overturned, the cab was torn off and wedged beneath the contents of the trailer and the trailer itself.

All westbound lanes were closed as a result of the accident, which occurred at approximately 2:30 p.m. All lanes were opened by approximately 7:45 p.m., California Highway Patrol officials said. Ruiz said the driver of big rig had only had his license for nine days.

If you look very close, first you will see a pickup truck (white) who crosses the line, then you will see the semi as it comes past the CR England. Pay particulary close attention to the rightside of the trailer...you will see a huge scrape at the tail end of the trailer. The 2nd truck actually hit the mirror of the CR England truck, and nearly pushed him into the guardrail (you will see how far over the white line he is just as the truck rolls). The co-driver was found the next morning beneath the wreckage.

All I have to say is SLOW DOWN!!!

J

Another year older

Yeah, its been awhile since I have posted. I havent had the spark I once had to write. I have been busy putting my life back together, and spending time with my kids, etc. So I write to you today a year older. Tomorrow, is the one year anniversary of my divorce, and yet it seems as if it has taken 5-10 years of my life away from me.


Had my best friend from New Mexico up for a visit (that's him in the Cheese Head). Took him around town to the area attractions like Lambeau Field, and the Atrium, and along Nicolet Drive (which runs right along the eastern short of the Bay of Green Bay). Had to stop by the Packer Pro Shop for a little bit of money spendage. Then we decided that day that we would take in a baseball game (Single-A down in Appleton). Weather changed a bit, and we didnt want to drive down there if it was going to rain, so we went to Stadium View (local watering hole, and also locale for some of my DJing gigs) for dinner and drinks before my very first AFL (Arena Football League) game.

The Green Bay Blizzard were playing the Lexington Horseman! WHAT A BLAST!!! This game went right down to the last play of the game, and GB lost by one point (final score picture at the right). However, if our kicker didn't suck so bad, he cost us 5 points by missing 2 extra points and a field goal...oh well! I still had fun :) It was $1 beer, hot dog, and soda night. How can you NOT have fun on Dollar Nights!!!

SO I thought I would post to let everyone know that YES, I am still around just trying to get my life back in order, get my mind back in order, and start writing again. I know the people at Thursday 13 are wondering where I went!

Have a great day!
J

New Banner

Just something quick -- thougth I would display some of the states I have called home :)

The pot calling the kettle black

Its funny when you think you have the power and determination to take on the world, sometimes you find out you cant even take on yourself. I have been dealing with that struggle for some time now. Today was one of those days.

Today would have been 7 years for me. 7 years married to someone I trusted. 7 years married to someone I loved. 7 years married to someone who I thought loved me too. Honestly, at this moment in time, it doesn't even matter any more. Those days are behind me.

All day I never even gave a 2nd thought to what today's date was. It wasn't until tonight while talking to a friend of mine that it dawned on me. At that one moment, I had that feeling of failure ... that feeling of self doubt and the the 100 "what-if" questions. I simply wasnt going to measure up to whatever it was she was looking for. No matter how hard I tried, it would never be enough.

So tonight, I tried to act like it didnt phase me --- the facade of the happy person when inside at that one moment, I was hurting. At that same moment, I was taken back to a conversation just yesterday with a friend of mine in which I said "...be true to yourself. I would rather be true to myself and miserable / blue / off / lethargic or whatever, than not true to myself, and wearing a happy façade knowing I am not happy at all." How dare I?! Here I am not even 24 hours later not being true to myself.

SO I picked my sorry butt up off the couch, and grabbed a card that my girl sent me for Sweetest Day...and that moment of my hurting went away, and that moment of my fake happiness was replaced by true happiness. Knowing that someone was out there thinking of me, and wanting to be with me, made that one moment disappear. I am in a much happier place. I am in a place where bad days are OK...little things matter and dont go unnoticed...I dont have to be someone I am not...I am loved for who I am...and that makes all the difference in the world!

When you are true to yourself, others will be too...you will be surprised who is standing there. When you are genuine, people may let you in to their circle of trust, where others may not be as fortunate.

J-Dawg